


You'll Always Be (Everything I Ever Wanted)

by anopendoor



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: ...so imagine the angst, ...which can make her not nice, Adopted Rey, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BB-8 is a hotrod, Bathroom Sex, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Big Shot Kylo Ren, Chewie is your loveable oversized mutt, Consensual Sex, Cousins by Adoption, F/M, Hidden Relationship, High Angst, Just your typical high angst dramatic rom com, Luke is ever the cockblocker, Maz is a guardian angel, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Poe...isn't, Rey has a lot of baggage, Robotics Engineer Rey, Rose is a sweetheart, Some Fluff, Teenage Ben, Teenage Drama, Teenage Rey, Time Jump, Underage Sex, Virginity, We found love in an antique store, emo Ben, identity crisis, much smut, teenage sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 37,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26393473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anopendoor/pseuds/anopendoor
Summary: Rey never thought she’d see Ben Solo ever again, considering she broke his heart nearly ten years ago.Now she’s moved back home and brought her boyfriend with her. She didn't know Ben was moving back too. She didn’t know things were still so unresolved between them. She did know, however, after what she did to him, was that she didn’t expect or deserve his forgiveness.Or: Rey brings the boyfriend home to meet the family only to have her secret flame from the past blaze right back into her life and erupt it like a freakin' volcano. Rose Tico owns the rights to this film.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 57
Kudos: 220
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Rey is ‘technically’ a Skywalker here – keep reading to know how I really feel about it.
> 
> The beta is me and I apologize for all mistakes
> 
> [ **Please read:** This is a high angst fic. I want to warn readers that parts of Rey's (maybe some of Ben's) characterization include negative themes. While the first part is mostly in Ben's pov, Rey has a lot of baggage/trauma that results in her doing things that are not innocent or well intended. What motivates these choices is not explained until later on, but I understand this can be upsetting. If Rey hurting Ben is not something you want to read I want to preface this warning now!]

**July 2019**

They drive down the familiar evergreen encased road. Rey watches the foliage rush by as she shifts into fourth gear.

“Well, we aren’t in Arizona anymore.” Poe whistles as they zoom down the winding road.

Rey smiles. “Think you could get used to it?”

Poe’s sneezes into his elbow against the window. “I think I might have allergies?”

Rey pulls up the long driveway. The house coming into view behind a crop of pines.

“Holy shit, _that’s_ your adopted dad’s house?”

Rey feels her pulse jump, but she’s not sure why. “Erm, no, uh this is his sisters place. She’s a senator? I swear I told you we were staying here instead. That bad storm from a few weeks ago, you remember? Knocked a few trees down and one of the branches of a white pine fell right through the kitchen bay window. This…this is alright isn’t it?”

She swore she told him. This was the first time she was bringing a boyfriend home to meet the family in…a while. The concept, while new, was also strange.

Poe whistles again as they park outside of Han’s ginormous garage. “Is that a Millennium Falcon? Aren’t there are only like five of those in the world? Man, what I would give to sit in that driver’s seat.”

Rey grins, putting BB-8 in park. She startles when a bark and then a furry head pops up against her open window.

“Oh Jesus Christ!” Poe jumps back alarmed.

Rey reaches out to rub behind the large Leonberger’s ear. “Hey Chewie, how you doing old boy? You must be, what, a hundred by now?”

“More like pushing 80-something.” A voice calls from the open garage door.

Rey smiles and gets out of the car.

“Hey, kid.” Han gives her a one-armed hug before looking over at Poe whose eyes are still glued to the falcon. “So that’s the boyfriend, huh?”

“Poe raced cars back in Arizona actually. He’s _obviously_ a big fan.” She gestures to the car.

“You wanna take her out for a spin?” Poe’s eyes light up as they look between Han and the car.

“Are you serious?” He looks like a little kid on Christmas.

“We just drove nearly twenty hours straight and you want to get in _another_ car?” Rey asks in disbelief. Racecar drivers. “Maybe you could help me bring some of the bags in first?” She asks pointedly.

* * *

When they enter the house, Leia is there to greet them. “Rey, we missed you last Christmas.” She says as they embrace. “And Poe, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

Poe leans down and kisses her hand roguishly. Rey feels herself blush at the gesture, unsure if the upturn of Leia’s lip is in humor or criticism. She doesn’t know why the interaction makes her as uncomfortable as it does.

Rey walks into the main sitting room and sees Luke sitting in the loveseat by the window reading. He looks up as she approaches and smiles warmly.

“Rey.” He greets as she leans down to peck his cheek. “That piece of scrap metal made it in one piece did it?”

Rey smiles at his reproachful expression. “I take very good care of BB-8, the whole trip was a breeze.” She says loftily.

Leia interrupts whatever it is Luke is about to say as she enters the room. “We’re having an earlier dinner tonight. Rey, I hope you don’t mind, but I’m sure you two must be starving.”

Rey supposes it is a welcome dinner, and that’s why it’s three courses and Leia made a whole to-do about it. She continually peaks glances at Poe, wondering what he thinks of all this. Poe, like her, didn’t come from money and while the racing business did have its luxuries, in spite of all that Poe always kept it lowkey. Rey wonders why she feels oddly embarrassed over the opulence.

They’d just finished the main course, and they’re possibly on their fourth bottle of wine when the front door bangs open loudly.

Leia straightens up alarmed. “Who on earth could that be?”

There’s a high-pitched giggle that announces whoever has just arrived and the whole dinner party looks towards the wide archway.

“Oh my god, Kylo, this place…oh!” A tall and leggy brunette appears and Rey feels her mouth drop open.

Everyone at the table is silently staring at whoever the girl is who just crashed their dinner, but Rey’s eyes instantly fly to Ben Solo as he appears in the entryway. “Oh shit.” He mutters when he sees them all there

His hair is longer, now it almost grazes his shoulders and it’s styled in such a way that it looks perpetually windswept. He looks _bigger_ too, just larger in general. He was always tall, but he was lanky before, and with his shorter hair his ears would stick out--quite adorably in Rey’s opinion. Now he looks like one-hundred percent muscle on legs. His arms are barely contained in the forest green t-shirt he's wearing.

Rey is startled to see him, mostly because she hadn’t since he graduated high school, fled to California and never came back.

He looks… _fucking hot_. Rey’s so caught off guard, her whole brain is a mess right now. She never expected to have a reaction like _that_ whenever it would be that she would see him again. She almost assumed she never would. Ben and Luke are also not on speaking terms, as far as she knew. She wonders what his relationship is like with the rest of the family.

Leia breaks the silence. “Ben? What are you doing here?” She’s clearly just as surprised as Rey, as everyone else really. Rey is pretty certain this is the first time he’s been back in ten years. Rey chances a glance at Luke and sees a livid expression on his face directed solely at Ben. If looks could melt someone into a puddle…damn did Luke had it down to a science.

“I got a big meeting with that MIT kid about my start up idea. I told you about it.” He says it like he can’t believe his mother would forget. Leia’s eyes narrow at him.

“Isn’t that two weeks from now? I wrote it down on my calendar.”

Ben just shrugs. “Thought we’d come a bit early, maybe look at some condos in the city. Baz has never been to the East Coast, and since we’re potentially moving here, I thought she should get acclimated, meet you and dad, etc. My old room looks completely different, I assume?”

Leia looks pissed now and Rey knows Ben has done the one thing Leia can’t stand--show up unannounced and without giving her time to prepare. He appears to be enjoying the discomfort extremely.

Rey does not expect Luke to chime in. “You expect to _stay_ here without giving us any notice?!” Luke sounds less pissed than he looks. His voice somehow remains calms.

Ben slides a glare over to his uncle. “Don’t you have your own house?”

Rey watches as Luke’s entire body shakes in irritation. She feels a nudge at her knee and glances at Poe. He’s looking at her curiously, before he mouths _what the fuck?_

What the fuck indeed.

* * *

Note:

This is the first fic I've ever published -- the only one I have ever finished. Working on some tweaks at the end, but hope you enjoy this angsty rom-com of a fic! 

Also: first time writing smut, which I used to be afraid of even attempting to write but --question for other writers-- does anyone agree that it gets much much easier as they keep writing it? This is how I felt and this is why there is far more of it in here than I ever would have anticipated!!


	2. Chapter 2

**4th of July 2008**

“Ben, fix your shirt, how many times do I have to ask you? This isn’t after school in our living room, this is the _club_ for goodness sakes.” Ben just rolls his eyes, stuffing his hand in his pants rather inappropriately, much to his mother’s chagrin.

Before she can admonish him again, he hears his father’s chuckle from behind. “Honey, you dragged a fifteen-year-old kid to the country club with a bunch of old, ass-kissing farts on the nation’s most celebrated holiday of the year.”

Ben looks down at his rumpled button-down before looking up at his mother’s reproachful expression with a raised eyebrow.

Leia just rolls her eyes and scoffs in defeat.

“Leia, there you are.” The Organa-Solo family squabble is interrupted by the welcoming tone of Luke Skywalker. “I’m glad I caught you first, so that you could meet Rey.”

Ben’s attention swoops around his uncle and lands on the lanky tween standing behind him. She looks a bit uncomfortable he notices. Her hands are wringing a cocktail napkin between her fingers.

Leia’s expression immediately softens. Ben feels a pang of resentment in his stomach.

“Rey, sweetheart, it is so wonderful to meet you. Luke has spoken very highly of you and your interest in the sciences.” Ben feels the scowl immediately rise to his lips at his mother’s laudable tone. How is it the orphan no one barely knows able to be met with such praise when she’s done nothing to show for it?

“T-thank you, Ma’am.” Her voice has a slight tremble to it, like she’s nervous.

_Good_.

“Please, call me Leia. You must be very overwhelmed. Luke said you both arrived, what, was it two days ago? I can imagine you’re still feeling jet-lagged.” She looks behind her at Ben, casting him a reproachful look. “This is my son, Ben. He’s just a few years older than you. But you’ll be going to the same school.”

The kid’s timid eyes shoot over to him. He returns the look with as scathing a glare as he can muster. She looks away quickly and just nods.

_What an awkward fucking weirdo,_ Ben thinks.

* * *

He finds her hiding in the hallway by the bathroom an hour later.

“You don’t have to be such a suck up, you know.” He doesn’t think before he speaks, he just says what he feels. He’s been told again and again by his mother how it’s one of his worse character traits.

He watches her face flush with embarrassment.

“I-I wasn’t trying to—” She cuts herself off, unsure of her words. “This is all very new to me.” She says quietly.

If his mother hadn’t been worshiping the ground she walked on the second she arrived, he might have felt pity for her. Instead, once again, he had to watch as his parents mooned over everyone else, were impressed by anyone else, and all the while he was just a disappointment they had to deal with. He was a constant reminder of what they _didn’t_ have.

“Yeah, well, you’re just a playing piece in the family chess game a.k.a. a political sympathy card.” In a way, he means those words truthfully. It is awfully convenient that the Skywalkers rescued an orphan from the very dump of a place Luke himself was orphaned before he found his long-lost twin. It seems oddly coincidental that Rey arrived just as Leia is running for her second term as Senator. It aligned all too well with the familiar do-good press that would surely bumped her poll numbers.

The manipulation of it all makes Ben’s blood boil.

And unfortunately for Rey, he is keen on taking it out on her.

He notices Rey’s facial expression has turned into a scowl. “You don’t know anything.” She grouses.

Unperturbed, Ben throws her his best mock sneer. “Don’t I? You’ll see.” Satisfied that he would get the last word, he leaves here there in the hall.

_She’ll be eaten alive._ He thinks with a morbid sense of humor.


	3. Chapter 3

**September 2010**

“Dude, Rey Skywalker got hot this year!” It’s Hux who slides into their usual lunch table, a wrapped burger and soda in hand.

“Ugh, barf, Armie I can’t believe you’d talk about a sophomore that way.” Gwen Phasma makes a gagging expression.

Hux’s signature sneer graces his lips. “Jealous Gwenie?”

“Desperate much?” She sticks her tongue out.

Ben’s fists clench at hearing that name. _Skywalker,_ like she thought she was one. Everything about her made his often-uncontrollable anger spike.

Everything about her made his skin itch.

Every cell in his body fucking _hated_ her.

Almost as much as it wanted to fucking consume her.

Ben’s not entirely proud of the odd, growing infatuation that had begun to blossom over the summer. At first, he felt gross, disgusted about it, and then somewhere around August he just felt resigned. Because she _had_ gotten hot. Totally fucking gorgeous really.

And she was different than when they first met. She used to be shy and timid. Then she found her two dumbass friends and suddenly she was super-attractive and popular. It didn’t help that she as gorgeous, and grew into her long legs, _and_ had an annoyingly cute British accent. She was the star of the pole-vault team, president of the robotics team, and probably the best at about ten other obnoxious extracurriculars. Rey was the beautiful nice girl, that had everything going for her. She was someone everyone envied or desired.

And Ben was one of the few that felt both.

Much to Ben’s chagrin, Rey had turned into everything he had hoped to be, everything he wanted to be in the eyes of the only people whose opinion Ben cared about most.

His parents.

His parents adored Rey. She was over all the time, working on mechanics with Han or baking a fucking pie with Leia. Even their dog, Chewie, wanted to be around her instead of him.

And while Rey succeeded in everything she did, it only made it that more apparent that Ben only succeeded in being more of a disappointment. He was a loner, with one friend who barely tolerated him. Gwen only hung around because she hoped Hux would open his eyes one day and date her.

Ben was a fucking loser.

He was a fucking loser that had a crush on his adopted cousin.

How fucked was that?

“Well, she joined varsity track this year, I’ll probably be seeing a lot more of her, if you know what I mean. Plus, Ben could probably put a good word in.” Hux’s smarmy comment weaves through Ben’s inner turmoil. He clenches his fists.

Ben scoffs out a laugh. “I would rather get hit by a bus.”

“Come on dude, she’s your cousin, even though she disgusts you, it doesn’t mean you have to be a selfish dick about it.” Hux nudges him with his elbow. Ben wants to punch him in the mouth. “Help a brother out.”

“I’m not your brother.” Ben grunts before he stands abruptly. He’d rather go punch a wall in silence than actually strangle his only ‘friend’. The thought of Rey even looking at Hux makes Ben want to punch that wall to pieces.

She’d never shown interest in boys before. Ben realizes now that the idea of it makes him sick.

He really can’t wait to graduate and leave this fucking place for good.

Then he’ll never have to see or hear about Rey Skywalker again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Underage sex / loss of virginity
> 
> Let the smutfest begin...

**Christmas Eve 2010**

The jazz band has put on a softer tune. The singer’s alto bravado belts out “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” in slow, undulating tones. Ben watches Rey from across the room. He watches as she snags a glass of champagne from the tray of a passing waiter with such finesse that no one notices.

No one but him.

She’s wearing a fitted red body-con dress that hugs her like a glove. The hem hitting right below her knee. She’s standing with her ankles crossed, the gold sparkling heels showing off her sculpted calves.

She takes a generous gulp, downing half the glass, before handing it off to Rose. She snatches another flute from a different waiter that passes.

Damn did she have balls.

Ben couldn’t like her more if he fucking tried.

It was pathetic really, he would be off to college next year, surrounded by college girls. In college there would be a lot more opportunities, he wouldn’t be a loner there. At least, he hoped he wouldn’t be.

However, there was the one small fact, his virginity to be exact, that made him wonder if he would be forever celibate, that no girl would ever find him attractive enough to want to sleep with him.

It fucking pulled down his entire mood. When the waiter passes him, he grabs two flutes. He’s able to down one before his mother is at his side.

“That’s enough Ben.” She admonishes, grabbing the second flute out of his hand. How was it that she was always right there to berate him, to censor him, but Rey, who was fucking _fifteen_ , was frolicking around with flutes upon flutes of alcohol without so much as a side-eye.

He wants to fucking scream.

“Fuck this.” He says, loud enough for a few people around them to hear. He doesn’t even wait to see or hear what his mother does at his outburst. He escapes the main house, snagging an open bottle of chardonnay from one of the bars before he heads to the pool house.

He’s sitting on one of the lounge chairs not folded up, swallowing large intakes of chardonnay every now and then. It’s dark inside except for the moonlight streaming through the large glass exterior looking out on the covered pool. Ben gazes out to the warped lights of the main house up ahead. He’s starting to finally feel the buzz when the door to the pool house opens.

He curses, setting the bottle behind one of the pool cushions on the floor in case it is his mother coming to scream at him some more.

He hears the click of heels scrape on the concrete floor before they still. It is not his mother after all, but Rey peaking around an upright pool float, a tendril of hair brushes delicately against her brow.

His eyes travel from her gold shoes, to the hem of her dress, and all the way up the rest of her body. He takes in every curve, the swells of her breasts secured tightly in the knit fabric. It looks like wide bands of elastic in a continuous wrap around her body. The part that cups her breasts is curved slightly in the shape of a bikini top. She looks like a gift worth unwrapping. 

_Fuck_ , now was not the time for his dick to agree with him.

He notices the bottle of champagne in her hand as she raises it, bending her arm up. Her nose scrunches up adorably in a miffed expression. “It looked like you were in need of this.”

Ben doesn’t say anything, he just stares at her. His gaze locks on her chewed lip.

“…Or, if you just want to be left in peace…”

“No!” It comes out quicker and more desperate than he would have liked. However, it does put a small smile on her face.

She starts taking steps towards him, toeing out of her shoes. “Fancy some company then? Rose is trying to flirt with Finn, and she definitely didn’t need or want a third wheel.” She laughs softly as if the whole ordeal is cute or something.

He shifts a bit on the lounge chair, resting his arms on his knees so he’s hunched over his crotch. When she sits beside him, he can smell her. He can’t think of the last time they were ever this close, but he’s overwhelmed by the sweetness of her.

She takes a swig of the champagne bottle before handing it to him. As he reaches for it, his eyes zero in on the mouth of the bottle. He focuses on the thought that he’s about to touch something that just touched her lips. He tries to reign in the tremble that overcomes him.

He takes a large swig, letting the bubbles burn down his throat as a way to preoccupy him with anything else other than talking to her. Now his lips have basically touched hers by proxy. His brain can’t comprehend that let alone _why_ she’s here. She’s never sparked a conversation with him, aside from a greeting or a small wave whenever he saw her at his house. He always assumed those were just polite pleasantries she did as a sign of her annoying matureness.

Rey sits quietly next to him, her gaze looking far away through the glass and out to the covered pool.

Ben feels awkward as he lowers the bottle down, nudging it towards her again.

She notices and gives him a soft smile that makes his insides turn to jelly. “Thanks.” She takes a generous sip. “So, party is a bit boring innit? I would think after two years I would have gotten better at being polite to adults.” She laughs, seemingly to herself.

Ben doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know how to talk to her.

He opens and then closes his mouth. Accepting the bottle from her instead with an awkward smile and nod. At least, he hopes it looked like a smile.

It’s silent for a long moment.

Ben starts to panic in the silence. He should be talking to her about something, anything. Was there nothing in common between them? Well, except for their guardians? However, Ben could probably argue against the term, more like helicopter Stalin’s in his opinion.

Suddenly she breaks the quiet. “I feel like I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but as I have had an exorbitant amount of champagne – the bubbles really do make it taste like very tart fizzy water…”

She trails off and the pause is long enough for Ben’s panic to flow at full power. He’s about to prompt her, when she takes a breath.

“I sometimes get the feeling that you resent me because your parents, your family, has taken me in a-and replaced you with me or something.” She briefly glances at him, her eyes darting away a moment later. “I know that a family is something I’ve always desperately wanted, but I also never wanted to be a rift that came between one that already existed.”

Ben shook his head. “No, the problems with me and my…family, they stemmed long before you were ever in the picture.” He feels guilt for knowing that a part of him had wanted her to feel this way. He realizes now that he hasn’t felt that way for a while now.

Rey took another sip before passing it to him. “Still…” She coughs lightly, more like a hiccup, “it sucks and I’m sorry.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say and for a long moment he doesn’t say anything. “Uh, thank you.” Something about their relationship feels like it is changing. Its direction leaning towards something that Ben secretly, desperately wanted.

But he doesn’t know how to get it past here. He doesn’t know how to keep talking to her, or what to even say, and his anxiety has him clamming up every time he attempts words.

Luckily for him, Rey is much better at social interaction than he is. “So, what are you doing out here anyway?”

Ben shrugs. “The party _was_ boring and honestly I can’t stand the constant hovering from my mother at her own kiss-ass event. It’s like she’s afraid that if she takes her eyes off me for one second, I’ll snap and do something to ruin her party.” He feels uncomfortable telling her this, knowing that Rey fucking _adores_ his mother.

“Maybe…she’s more worried about you and how you’re feeling than what you might or might not do.” Rey offers.

And Ben knows she’s just trying to be helpful, or empathetic, or whatever, but he’s already psychoanalyzed his mother enough. He’s already given her chances to do better. She failed his test magnanimously. She didn’t care about how he felt, and if she did, she had a shit way of showing it.

“Look, you can save whatever pity party you’re trying to throw for me.” He isn’t looking at her as he speaks to her, rather, his eyes are cast downwards, looking past her right thigh, and his hand is spread, palm down, in a gesture he hopes conveys ‘that’s _enough’_. “But you’ve only jumped on the dysfunctional Solo/Skywalker family shit-train for hardly two minutes. I’d appreciate it if you just didn’t say naïve comments like that alright?”

It comes out harsher than he thought it would when he said it in his head. Or-had he not checked his asshole-meter?

He’s not looking at Rey to gauge her body language. “You’re right,” she acquiesces. “I don’t know much about your dynamic, but I have gotten to know Leia over the last two years. She may be doing a poor job at showing it, but I know she loves you and I can see she’s trying.” She shifts beside him, and her red toenails come into his downcast view. “And while I don’t know much about you, because I know you hate me and want nothing to do with me, and-I honestly don’t know why I’m even here-but from watching you both I just _feel_ like there’s love there between you two and you’re both missing out on it. And I guess…I guess it just makes me feel fucking sad for you.”

Ben feels the blood drain from his body. His muscles feel tight and strained, his skin dry. Her pity incapacitates him. He tells himself it doesn’t matter, that her opinion _doesn’t_ matter, but she’s royally knocked him on his ass.

His first instinct is to think of another scathing comment to hurt her, because fuck that. Fuck her trying to guilt him into making amends with his own mother. She was right, she doesn’t know him. That thought alone though makes his chest hurt.

Oddly, he feels like he’s being given…some sort of opportunity here. He isn’t sure what that opportunities is though.

One thing he does know, if he bites her head off again in defense of his own pathetic ego, he will definitely screw whatever it is up.

“I don’t…hate you.” It comes out clipped and he isn’t sure if she heard it, but he doesn’t know how else to _not_ say something fucked up.

She’s quiet beside him, and then, “You don’t?”

Ben curses internally, because he didn’t want to expound on his statement. If anything, he hoped she would just accept it and then leave. It was the only possible scenario where this weird and unexpected conversation didn’t end in complete disaster.

In his head, Ben already has the words drafted. _No, I don’t hate you. I actually think I might love you. I know this may sound completely ridiculous and out of the blue, but you’re all I ever think about most days. You’re all I ever want to look at across the cafeteria. I hate car mechanics, but I sorta want to learn more and I want you to teach me._

Instead all he can muster is, “Uh, no I don’t.” It comes out quiet, and not as quickly as his previous confession. He still can’t really look at her, his gaze is cast down, now focused on her hands twisting together around nothing. It’s a tick of hers that she does when she’s nervous. He remembers it from the first time he met her.

He can’t remember leaning closer to her. He’s so much taller than her, that even while sitting and while looking down at her hands, she has to angle her face up to look at him. He notices this because suddenly her doe gaze is in view. The moonlight casts a shadow of the window panes across her face but he can tell she isn’t looking at his eyes, her gaze is also trained lower. His lips feel insanely dry and he licks them out of self-consciousness just as she swoops up and rests her mouth against his tentatively.

Ben’s brain short-circuits. He knows he’s kissing Rey, but he also can’t fucking believe it.

When he doesn’t do anything, she presses her lips harder against his, her hand coming up to graze where his neck meets his shoulder.

Her mouth tastes as sweet as it smells and Ben can’t get enough of it. It’s possible he’s begun sucking her face to an embarrassing degree, but Rey doesn’t seem to mind. If anything, she’s attracted to that hunger, a soft moan escapes her lips when he tentatively dips his tongue inside her mouth.

Her gasp spurs him on and his hand slides up around the back of her neck, holding her face against his.

How the fuck did he get here?

His mind is in a blur of questions as he feels her hands come up to his shoulders, slowly pushing his jacket off. His own hands are gripping the elastic around her waist so tightly the fabric stretches beneath his fingers.

The questions go blank as she slowly raises herself onto her knees on the lounge chair. His hands move down from her waist to the hem of her dress, pushing it up and up. Once given more mobility, Rey moves onto his lap, her dress now barely covering the curve of her ass.

She gives a hum of pleased surprise when her center bumps his erection. The sensation makes his brain go numb for a second.

How the _fuck_ did he get here?

As his body tries to recover from the overflow of sensations, Rey begins to unbutton his shirt. She’s got it almost halfway down when he’s able to function enough to grab her ass and squeeze.

Holy fuck, she has an amazing ass.

Rey moans into his mouth pulling him closer.

He can’t get enough of her. His brain is in utter euphoria. He raises her dress enough so that it’s over her ass and he freezes.

His fingers graze the skin at her hips, the _bare_ skin. His mind tries to wrap around the realization that Rey is not wearing any underwear.

Seeming to sense the reason for his pause Rey explains, “The underwear lines are _horrendous_ in this dress.”

If he heard her, he didn’t show it. His eyes now transfixed on the small tuft of hair at the apex of her sex. Wasn’t she supposed to be a _good_ girl?

“I’ve never done this before.” He sputters, a blush rising to his cheeks. He didn’t want to admit it to her, but he had a feeling his utter lack of knowing what the fuck to do anymore was probably evidence enough. “Have you?” He asks even though he doesn’t really want to know. She’d never publicly dated anyone before and no one was spreading rumors about her blowing half the basketball team. Ben had always assumed she was more innocent than this, that she was possibly a virgin just like him. But the way she’s rubbing her bare sex against his pants does not match up with that assumption.

The morbid curiosity in him can’t help it.

Rey shrugs in his lap. “Only a couple times with a kid in my biology class. Not something I’d probably write home about though.”

Ben itches to ask if _this_ is already better than that, but he’s already nervous about self-sabotaging…

Rey knocks him out of his spiral of insecure thoughts when she starts kissing him again. Her hands drift down to the button of his trousers and she slowly undoes it, zipping the fly down.

Ben feels his heart jump up in his throat. He’s never had a girl touch his cock before. Fuck, he’s never seen a vagina in real life before either.

When Rey grips his cock, he lets out a groan that’s so much deeper than any sound he thinks he’s ever made. His body goes rigid beneath her. He no longer knows what he’s supposed to do with his hands. They’ve gone completely still on her hips.

Rey slows down her strokes. Ben thinks he’s on the brink of death. Rey pauses, “We don’t, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” She sounds shy, she sounds a bit more how she once did when he first met her. She sounds unsure and Ben fears any wrong word will ruin this.

But what is even happening anyway? Is he about to have sex?

All Ben knows, all Ben can really fathom in this moment is that he does _not_ want to stop.

“No, uh, no we can keep going…if you want.” He prays his eagerness isn’t too obvious.

He glances up at Rey, beyond petrified that she’s going to snap out of it and realize that her hand is still holding his rock-hard boner, and then promptly disengage.

Rey catches his eyes then and they might both be holding their breath. There’s a hunger in her eyes, like he’s actually someone she wants to fuck. And fuck—the look in her eyes destroys him.

Her grip on him tightens a bit and he hisses, his thighs jolt underneath her.

“Do you have a condom?” She asks it so matter a fact and Ben is once again stunned beyond normal functioning human.

He opens his mouth, about to admit that he doesn’t, when he suddenly remembers that, by some miracle, he does. His hand slips into his inner jacket pocket. Sure enough, he feels the crinkle of the condom wrapper before pulling it out.

He feels an odd flair of satisfaction as he thinks back to his uncle Luke, grinning at him sardonically while drunkenly tossing a condom at him a few months ago, mocking him to at least be prepared if he ever actually got to sleep with someone. This was of course after he caught him jacking off in the first-floor bathroom at Thanksgiving.

It was fucked up, but Ben desperately wanted to watch him squirm once he came to the realization that Ben was getting himself off to the image of Rey in her tiny three-tiered skirt that made her legs look like they went on for days. Luke would’ve probably choked on his own tongue.

He’s not proud of it, wishes he could erase his gross teenage hormonal thoughts while he jack-off’s in inappropriate places, wishes his dirty thoughts didn’t constantly gravitate towards Rey.

And speaking of Rey, Ben is now watching her take the condom out of his hand and tear the foil with her teeth.

Holy _fucking_ shit.

She doesn’t say anything as she takes it out and rolls it down his shaft, she doesn’t comment on the fact that he actually was prepared for this.

He watches in disbelief as she spits on her hand and reaches down between her legs. He has no idea what to do except dumbly stare at her.

Ben is not much help at all as she balances on top of him, taking his cock in one hand and slowly rubbing it against her slit. Ben thinks when his vision blurs it’s because his eyes have rolled to the back of his head.

He holds his breath as she slowly slides down onto him. His entire body is rigid.

He can’t believe he’s fucking her. He can’t believe he’s having sex.

There’s not a lot his mind can wrap around, let alone the fact that Rey’s pussy is wrapped around his cock. There’s too much going on, he’s over stimulated. He’s only ever felt the warmth of his own hand jerking it, and now he is fucking balls deep in Rey and honestly, he doesn’t think anything could feel as amazing as this.

He watches her with hazy eyes as she slowly rides him into the lounge chair. She kept her dress on, but unzipped the top enough for her to pull the straps down under her breasts. The hem of her dress is bunched up around her hips and he’s mesmerized watching her hips undulate around his cock.

It’s hardly been a minute, but he can feel it. He can feel that pressure begin to rise, can feel his balls tighten as he readies for his release.

He panics when he thinks of coming so soon, of how disappointing that would be for her. Unsure of what he’s doing he sits up abruptly, his hands clamp down on her hips and he holds her still above him.

Rey is panting above him. Her gaze heady. “Why’dya stop?” She garbles. Her lips are puffy and he’s never seen anything sexier in his entire life.

“I-I just, I need a second.” He rasps, hoping beyond hope he hasn’t turned her off.

But Rey just smiles slightly and nods. Her hand rests atop one of his and she slowly pries it off her hips. With the same steadiness, she drags his hand towards where they are connected. Her thumb guiding his own between the folds of her sex.

“You can-you can touch me here…if you want.”

Ben’s thumb presses down on her clit and she gasps above him, her walls squeeze him in response.

_Shit_ , he is going to come.

She sits above him, her thighs encircling his waist as he sits up slightly. Ben is forever grateful for the pause. The pressure now ebbed a bit.

Ben circles his thumb once around the bundle of nerves. Rey let’s out a quiet whimper above him and the pressure in his dick is back.

_Holy fuck,_ how was it that just the sound of her moan made him want to bust?

He circles her clit again and Rey can’t help the sharp thrust of her hips. He starts to rub her faster and a bit harder as she pants above him. He thinks she might be close and he’s barely holding it together in anticipation.

“Oh _god, yes Ben_.” She moans into his ear after one sharp circle and her cunt clenches around him and he can’t help himself. His cock starts ejaculating furiously inside her. He’s never had an orgasm feel so good. Everything is _so warm_ and wet. His mind is in a daze, his eyes glaze over as he pants into her hair.

He feels the tremors of her cunt lessen gradually. Ever so slowly she rises off him, her gaze locks on the come that had ballooned at the tip of the condom. Without much finesse, he eases his cock out of it, trying to keep most of the mess within the latex. He feels sticky, and normally he would feel extremely uncomfortable about it, but nothing could bring down his mood post-orgasm, he was certain of it.

A loud bark startles both of them, Ben’s heel knocks over the forgotten champagne bottle.

“Shit!”

Chewie is standing on his hind legs on the opposite side of the pool house, tail wagging vigorously. He barks a few more times.

So much for his post-coital bliss…

“Chewie shh!” Rey shushes, though it’s clear that the large Leonberger doesn’t hear her. She stands and starts to wiggle her dress back down her legs. “Help me with this, will you?” She’s motioning to the half-undone zipper at her back.

With jellied fingers, he awkwardly pulls her zipper back up.

Rey grabs her heels. She whirls around then and graces him with one of her winning smiles. It’s a look he’s _never_ received from her, and he feels his stomach flutter.

“Thanks, Solo. I’m glad we talked, cleared the air, what have you. I’ll see you around.” And then she winks at him before running out of the pool house, Chewie bounding beside her, and back to the party.

Ben’s left sitting there with his pants still down at his ankles, used condom in one hand, and a spilled bottle of champagne at his feet.

_Holy fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [lol at Ben trying to describe Herve Leger]


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [No droids were harmed in the making of this chapter...just Ben Solo's sanity]

**New Year’s Eve 2010**

Ben absolutely hates parties.

And because of his mother’s position in politics, he’s forced to attend _many_ of them.

But this time, at this New Year’s party, he keeps catching Rey’s gaze and she keeps sending him small smiles. It’s a little upturn on the left side of her mouth, but he’s convinced it’s for him.

It had been a week since the last time he saw her, since the last time when they…

And maybe it is the fucking endorphins, but since Christmas he has been in much higher spirits. Part of it could be due to the stupid stigma of no longer being a virgin, and the other part was the anxious anticipation sitting at the bottom of his stomach.

He spent Christmas day in a daze, still high off of the fact that he _had sex with Rey._ What followed that daze was a few days of sinking anxiety, wondering if what happened was a one-time thing. He had finally convinced himself that it was, and that it was probably a bad idea to start a physical relationship with his pseudo-cousin when she texted him.

_I’ll see you at the New Year’s Party?_

The simmering anxiety he thought he’d gotten a handle of sprung right back up. Now, here he stands across the room from her, watching her snatch more flutes of champagne just like last time and share them with Rose, but every minute or so her glance gravitates towards him.

He watches her as she catches his eyes once more before setting down her champagne flute. She excuses herself from Rose and Finn, weaving her way through the body of guests before heading down the hall towards the kitchen.

Ben doesn’t realize he’s following her until he has to weave between two of the waitstaff as he enters the bustling room. He can’t spot her among the throng of the catering team but he notices the door that heads towards the garage is open.

He makes his way down the covered path that leads to Han’s garage, if garage was the right word for it. The ‘garage’ was easily the size of a four-bedroom house.

When he enters, he spots her leaning against a burnt orange Chevy Camaro with white panel details. She, once again, had snagged a bottle of champagne. He watches her mouth as it wraps around the spout of the bottle, driblets of champagne dripping down her chin. She wipes it with the back of her hand, casting him an impish grin.

“This is my baby.” She says as he walks closer. Her hand that isn’t holding the champagne gestures to the car beneath her. “I’ve been learning a lot from your dad, but most of the work has been all me. And once he’s ready to ride, he’s mine.” Her eyes slide from her car and over to him, the expression on her face looked absolutely sinful in Ben’s opinion.

“He?” Ben’s brain is only half focused on the car as he takes her in. Her dress is floor length this time, and it’s a midnight blue velvet that hugs her every curve perfectly. There’s a slit in the front that allows her leg to peak out up to her mid-thigh. Ben’s gaze travels up the seam, focusing on the spot where the slit begins, wondering how much more of her leg is left to see before he’s able to see something else.

Rey shrugs, taking his attention away from her leg. But her expression is still teasing. “Yeah I’m thinking of calling him BB-8.” She raises a brow at him then. “What, women mechanics aren’t allowed to sexualize their vehicles too?” She says it in a way that makes it sound like she’s mocking the trend, and Ben once again can only focus on the shape of her mouth.

She holds out the bottle for him to take, and as he nears closer to her and takes it, she pushes off the car door and opens it, sliding inside. She leans out the rolled down window and gestures around the car. “Get in, I want to show you something.”

Ben doesn’t need to be told twice before he’s bounding around the hood of the car and into the passenger seat. He sets the bottle of champagne outside of the car less he wants to accidentally spill it again. The idea of being in close quarters with Rey again already has him at a half chub.

The car is a vintage sport style, probably from the late sixties. The seats sit very low to the ground and remind Ben of the kind of seats he would sit in at a racing game at the arcade. He notices the gear shift doesn’t match the interior of the car when Rey motions down to it with her hand, clutching the bulb of the shift with her hand before slowly dragging her fingers down the stick.

Ben feels very hot all of a sudden, watching her hand graze up and down the gear shift has him now at a full blown hard on. He shifts a bit, trying to relieve some of the pressure his pants are putting on his dick.

“I had to replace the gear shift entirely.” Her voice sounds lower than normal, and Ben pulls his eyes away from her hand and to her face. She’s looking at him like a cat that got her cream. A small smirk plays on her lips as she toys with the stick between them. “That’s why it doesn’t match the rest of the interior. And I still need to replace the stereo, it’s shot. It would also be pretty awesome to get an aux cord in there so I can plug up my iPod.”

No matter how hard Ben tries, every word she says go right through his dirty brain and straight down to his cock.

She doesn’t stop there. “Here,” and she grabs his hand that is desperately clutching his own thigh and places it on the gear shift. “Feel how easy it shifts.” Her hand stays on top of his as she moves it around slowly.

“Y-yeah, it’s really smooth.” Ben’s not looking at his hand, but instead at the slit at her thigh that has ridden up drastically since she was now seated. He spots a small patch of black lace and his breath catches.

When he glances up again Rey is biting her lip. There’s a light flush on her cheeks and Ben feels embarrassed for staring. He’s about to apologize when she says—

“The seats recline really far back too, if you want me to show you…”

“Uh, yeah.” The words come out strangled as he tries to remember how to breath.

Rey nods and with a small smile she leans over.

Ben wills his boner to not be so noticeable, but now she’s so close and she smells like flowers and he feels like he could pass out from it all.

As she pulls up at the lever that reclines his seat far enough back that he’s basically parallel to the floor she crosses over the console between them and has enough room to kneel between his legs. He’s taken by such surprise that his head jolts up to look at her, his eyes wide as he looks between her face and his erection that stands obviously between them.

“Uh, I’m sorry.” He gasps out, his face couldn’t be redder if he tried. _Fuck._

But Rey just shakes her head with a small smile. “I’m pretty familiar with a stick shift, I could show you a few things…if you’d like?”

Fuck, she’s going to kill him.

He’s pretty sure she’s saying what he thinks she’s saying and he only gets out a single sharp nod before her hands graze him through his pants.

“You once told me I should stop being such a suck up.” She murmurs as she unbuttons him and pulls him out of his pants.

Ben freezes, feeling humiliation at the first time they met. He hardly remembers what he said to her, and he really wishes he hadn’t been such a fucking dick.

“I-I’m sorry.” He rushes to apologize, because when he was fifteen, he _was_ a dick, and she was still a flat-chested tween, and now… fuck. Now he is fucking screwed.

Rey just shrugs with a smile. Her hand lightly grazing his shaft up and down slowly. So slowly Ben thinks he might pass out from the sensation.

“You don’t have to…” He doesn’t know why he can’t say the word ‘blowjob’ but everything about Rey often has him at a loss for words.

She doesn’t say anything, but his gaze is transfixed on hers as she slowly lowers her mouth to his cock. Ben let’s out a huge exhale as he feels his brain turn to mush.

He doesn’t know what constitutes as a good blowjob, since he’s never had one before, but he thinks this is _by far_ the best one he’ll ever have.

She’s able to make it almost halfway before her gag reflex intervenes, but she doesn’t stop. Her hand comes up to grip the part she can’t reach and all Ben can do is stare.

She feels fucking amazing, she is amazing, and he still can’t believe this is happening.

Rey starts to bob up and down faster and Ben feels the familiar pressure at the base of his cock.

The groan he lets out is garbled by the drool that’s accumulated in his mouth. He swallows heavily while his cock twitches as he imagines _her_ swallowing.

Fuck he was going to come.

“Rey, wait.” He tries to get the words out between trying to will himself not to come and being overwhelmed by the sensations, by the visuals. “I’m gonna—”

She seems to _speed up_ when she hears those words, and Ben has lost the battle.

“Uhh fuuuck.” He gasps around his words as he watches her still while his dick pulses in her mouth. He feels the three spurts of come leave his dick and paint the back of her throat. He then feels her throat constrict and swallow around him and his leg twitches as her mouth squeezes his tip before popping off.

Ben can’t move, his legs, his whole body feels like fucking jelly. When he looks down at her he wonders if he imagined his cock make a half-hearted twitch. Almost as if it was trying to recover as quickly as possible for round two.

She’s smiling at him, kneeling on the floor of her car, between his legs. Ben tries to get his brain to work hard enough to save this to memory. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen something so arousing before.

“So, any comments? Concerns?” She says it factually as she folds him back into his pants, zipping up the fly and redoing the button.

Ben still feels like he’s in a daze. “That—fucking incredible.” He can’t form full sentences. He still can hardly move.

They can hear chants counting down outside as the guests have likely opened the French doors out to the veranda to watch the firework display Leia is notorious for.

_Five…four…three...!_

Rey leans up to nestle against his body as her face comes up to meet his. At the startling boom of the fireworks she leans over to kiss him.

It isn’t deep and she doesn’t use her tongue. Ben silently wishes she would so he could taste himself on her. Instead it’s soft, and when she pulls away, she smiles, opening the car door and stepping out of it. She’s picked up the bottle again and takes a swig.

“Happy New Year, Ben.” She says with her smile still intact and then she leaves him there, sitting in a daze in the Camaro.

Ben doesn’t realize he’s smiling until his hand touches his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I imagine BB-8 and Bumblebee sharing notes]


	6. Chapter 6

**January 2010**

After New Year’s Eve, Ben and Rey start fucking _a lot._ Ben can’t remember whose idea it was to keep sneaking around to do it, but somehow due to their unfortunate situation of sort-of-being related, they had decided to keep it under wraps. There was also the fact, that at school, Rey was still one of the most popular girls in the school and Ben, well, Ben was still the awkward loner rich kid that nobody liked.

Nobody except Rey.

Between Rey’s pole-vault practice and her after-school robotics meetings they were finding all kinds of interesting places to fuck. Sometimes Ben would pick Rey up in the back-school parking lot, where hardly anyone was, especially after school and then they’d drive to one of the hiking trail parking lots and find privacy there. She started coming over to the house more often, under the guise to work on BB-8, but not before she was sure to get a good work out on Ben first.

Ben couldn’t get enough, a month ago he went from being a never-even-been-kissed virgin, to a god-damned fucking horndog. But a lot of his interest was mostly due to the fact that the girl he was fucking was the most beautiful girl he’d ever known. The only girl he’d ever wanted.

He still can’t believe Rey wants to keep fucking him. But he definitely likes to think he’s gotten better, and he definitely made her come hard at _least_ twice.

“It feels so good.” She would always croon in his ear, especially once he’d figured out how to circle her clit the way she liked.

And next week it was going to get _so_ much better, because Luke was going to be out of town for a conference for a week and Rey had to stay with them at his house.

Him and Rey, in _his_ house, and likely alone most of the time. Ben’s fingers itched in anticipation.

He is sitting in AP English daydreaming about it, when he feels a ball of crumpled up paper hit him in the back of his head. He turns around with a scowl to see Hux smirking at him.

Glancing up at the teacher at the front, still writing some long monologue on the board, Ben unfurls the crumpled paper.

_Heard Skywalker will be staying at your house all week. Dude, I’m coming over every day to shoot my shot._

Ben’s fist crumples the paper back up, squeezing so hard his nails were biting into his palm.

Like fuck was Hux going to come over. The last thing he needed was a fucking cockblock…

When the bell rings and they are in the hall, Hux sidles up to him. “So, I’ll see you at your house 4pm?”

Ben could have punched him, thrown him against the wall more like. Something he might have done…before. Instead he just clenches his fist again.

“Fuck off, Hux. I’m tutoring a kid three times this week so he doesn’t flunk his fucking SAT for the fifth time. I’m not gonna have time to hang.”

Hux rolls his eyes. “You know, you don’t need to do any of that extra-curricular bullshit. You could get into any school you wanted just based on the fact that your mom—”

Ben cuts him off. “You’re not coming over to my fucking house to prey on my fucking cousin.”

“Adopted cousin.”

“What?”

Hux huffs. “I mean, she’s not even really your cousin, why are you so protective of her anyway? I didn’t even think you _liked_ her.”

Ben doesn’t know what to say. Knows he can’t just tell his only sort-of friend that no, he can’t come over and try and fuck Rey because _he’s_ gonna be fucking her.

No, he definitely can’t say that.

Hux just sighs, “Whatever man, few more months and we’ll be out of this shithole anyway and I can fuck some college pussy instead.”

Ben grumbles. “Yeah, best of luck to you.”

He can’t wait for the day to be over, and when the bell finally rings at 3pm he jumps out the door and heads to his car. This week at least, he doesn’t have to have an excuse for driving Rey home from school.

She smiles at him when she gets into his car. As they pull out of the parking lot her hand snakes over to his thigh and just stays there.

When they pull up his driveway, they see Han in a jumpsuit under the hood of his baby, the Falcon. He peeks up over the hood and Chewie bounds towards Rey, tail wagging.

“Hey kid, I’m tinkering a bit but then was going to replace a carbonator in the Jag if you wanted to be my apprentice.” Han is wiping the grease off his hands with an old rag.

Rey looks up from petting Chewie, her interest peaked. “Yeah, definitely. I just want to finish up an assignment real quick and then I’ll be right out.”

Ben chews his lip to stop the smile from forming on his lips knowing just what kind of assignment Rey wanted to get done.

They both walk to the house, bags slung over their shoulders. Ben lets Rey go ahead of him, and he watches the way her hips sway and how good her ass looks in her fucking jeans.

The house is quiet when they enter it. “Where’s your mom?” Rey asks as she glances around the huge foyer.

“She doesn’t usually get home until six. Honestly think she prefers it. Sometimes I swear she acts like this obnoxiously humongous house isn’t big enough for the two of them… let alone three.” Ben grumbles the words, thinking of his mother and her often disdainful commentary of his every life choice.

Rey doesn’t say anything, she just starts heading up the stairs and to the left…to the direction of _his_ room. Ben gulps in anticipation, nearly sprinting up the stairs after her.

Of all the _creative_ places they’ve had sex, Ben definitely thinks the bed— _his_ bed—is his favorite.

Rey sets her bag on the floor by his desk, toeing off her sneakers by the door before turning to face him.

“So,” she shifts her weight as her hands play with the hem of her sweater. “How do you want me?”

Ben is often floored at how she can be so seductive, yet adorable all at the same time. And he’s still never able to be cool about anything that involves Rey and sex.

“I—Fuck…” He squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment, only to open them when he feels her breath against his t-shirt.

She’s smiling softly as she pulls him down to kiss her. While he may not have any finesse when talking, he definitely feels more comfortable showing her instead.

He feels her hands bunch at the bottom of his shirt, slowly pushing it up, making sure her hands press firmly against his chest. He shakes his head a bit, his hair a fluttery mess around his ears.

In response, Rey lifts her own sweater up and over her head. She’s only wearing a tank top underneath. Her nipples are hard under the fabric. Her breasts are small, not that it makes a difference. It’s just something boys notice and Ben has noticed Rey’s boobs.

Ben feels the embarrassing amount of saliva that’s pooling in his mouth. His hands coming to touch them. She’s _so soft._ He knows her skin is even softer.

When she leans up and hums against his mouth Ben wants to devour her whole.

He pushes her gently, and they walk backwards towards his bed. Their lips never leave one another.

Rey’s hands grip his shoulders as they fall to the bed. One of his hands leaves her breast so he can catch his weight.

“Shit.” He groans and she giggles. Her hand then reaches down to grip him through his jeans. _Shit._

As she starts to push his pants down, Ben starts to fumble with her own jeans. Once undone, they aren’t as easy to push off as they cling _so_ tightly to her legs. With a frustrated grunt he basically yanks them down.

“Careful,” Rey warns. “Or I may have to walk across your house half naked.”

Ben chews his lips to avoid blurting out that, yes actually, he would very much like to see her do that. Just imagining it was fucking sexy as hell.

With a final tug he had her jeans off, kicking off his own he joined her back on the bed. He doesn’t think he can get any harder as she leans on her forearms and _opens_ her legs for him. The sight of her sex is obscured by baby blue boy briefs, but his mouth drops as he notices the wet spot there. _Fuck,_ he wants to eat her out.

Seeming to notice where his thoughts were heading, Rey closed her legs again. “Don’t think we have time for that today. I’m supposed to be under the hood of a car in like ten minutes, and I definitely want to get under you first.”

Ben can’t understand how every word out of her mouth always has his thoughts rattled. _She’s so fucking perfect._

He watches her reach for the pile of comic books he has in his bedside drawer, fishing a condom out between the pages. She tosses it to him before shimmying out of her panties. Ben’s boxers quickly follow. He tears the condom open with his teeth before rolling it on.

This time when he looks at her, she has her legs spread again, the glistening wetness at her sex inviting him in.

When they fuck this time it’s hard and fast. Ben’s thrusting her into the mattress with all his might hoping the way his fingers are sloppily rubbing her clit is enough to make her come. He gets closer with every thrust, and he watches her face as her eyes scrunch up when he thrusts up particularly hard. He thinks she’s so fucking beautiful like this.

One of her breathy moans makes him come before her. He can barely hold himself up as he stutters above her. He’s still half hard though, hard enough for Rey to say, “Keep going, and keep touching my clit, I’m close.”

Ben can only grunt in response, his thumb strumming her to her orgasm as he swivels his hips inside her.

“Fuck.” She says and her legs fall away from him. He pulls out and disposes of the condom in a tissue. She still lays there naked for a second, and Ben can’t keep his eyes off her.

She finally sits up and finds her underwear, pulling it on. She hops off the bed to go grab her jeans that had been flung across the room. Once she’s fully dressed, she grabs her bag from the floor and pulls him down for a hard kiss.

She leaves him breathless when their lips part. He’s staring at the little smile she’s wearing. She looks at his chest briefly and gives him a light pat.

“After I work on the Jag, we’re totally doing that again.”

* * *

The rest of the week progressed as per the regular scheduled programming. Ben would drive Rey home from school, they’d sneak off and bone before dinner and then once everyone was asleep, Rey would creep into Ben’s room.

Ben was actually caught laughing at something Hux said, leaving his only friend suspicious. “What’s with you Solo? You high or something?”

And yes, maybe he was, maybe Ben was high. High off fucking Rey.

Luke was returning on Saturday, so Friday was their last night and as they lay there naked on top of his blue quilt Rey snuggled to his side.

“Maybe I can stay here tonight, I’ll just set my alarm and sneak back into my own room in the morning.” She mumbles it against his chest and is dozing within seconds. Ben doesn’t know why his heart seizes at the idea of it, of spending the night with her, but he does think she feels perfect in his arms.

Ben remembers to set his alarm for 6:00am.

In the morning, when it goes off, he’s roused by the shift of her body against his. His morning wood rubs against the soft skin of her backside and his breath hitches. He’d pulled a blanket over them and she was snuggled under the crook where his neck met his shoulder.

He reached over to snooze his alarm. Just a few more minutes.

When he turns back around and curls over her body, Rey nestles into his warmth again. Everywhere they touch is warm and soft and Ben buries his face slightly into her hair, breathing her in, wondering if whatever this was, whatever they were doing, could never end.

The sound of a door slamming makes Ben’s head shoot up in alarm. He’s still disoriented as he takes in the morning light streaming through his windows and blinding him. Fuck, he’d forgotten to close the blinds.

He hears shouting down the hall, it sounds like his mother. Ben briefly wonders what his father did this time to piss her off.

And then…he remembers.

“Fuck.” He mutters as he looks down at where Rey is curled beside him, _naked_. “Fuck, Rey.” He nudges her softly. “Rey, wake up, we slept passed the alarm. Fuck, I thought I’d only snoozed it.” He checks his clock. It reads 8:03 a.m.

He hears the click of his mother’s shoes get louder. And then, “BENJAMIN.”

Oh fuck, they’re so fucked.

Rey is now sitting upright beside him, eyes wide. She’s drawn the blanket up to her chest. They look at each other. Ben sees panic start to set in on her face, he wonders if his matches it.

“Just hide there by the bed, my mom won’t be able to see you from the door.” Ben suggests, his heartrate increasing with each ‘click’ of her heel.

“What?” Rey hisses. “What if she walks _in_?! Maybe the closet?” She hasn’t moved from the bed yet and Ben is sure his mother will bust through his door without knocking.

With only another second to make a decision Rey curses and jumps off the bed and to the floor between his bed and the window.

His mother opens the door. “Ben, how many times do I have to tell you?” She sounds pissed alright. She holds up his running shoes that look like they’ve seen better days. “You CANNOT leave your shoes out downstairs. You know Chewie can’t help himself. Poor boy is puking up rubber bits, which YOU have to clean up by the way.” She walks into his room a few steps and Ben stops breathing. Without looking at him she opens his closet door and throws his mangled shoes inside.

She turns around and looks back at him, casting him her classic disappointed glare. “It smells awful in here, truly, you need to clean some of this up before Bianca comes next Tuesday. She is not paid to pick up after your disgusting mess.” When she makes it to the door she pauses as an afterthought crosses her mind. “And if you see Rey, tell her to see me before she leaves. She’d been talking about a book she wanted to read, and I found it in the library. She wasn’t in bed this morning when I checked on her, she might’ve gone for a morning run.” Leia looks at him expectantly.

Ben breathes in a straggled breath. His brain is working at a snail’s pace. “Uh, okay.” He pauses, then “sorry” and, “if I see her… I’ll let her know.” His blood is pumping so loud in his ears and he wills himself to focus.

“You have five minutes to get dressed and be downstairs with a mop cleaning up after that stinking mutt!”

The door slams behind her.

Rey sits up, resting her elbows on the edge of his bed. “Damn, your mum sure is a spitfire.” She sounds in awe of her. Ben rolls his eyes. “Do you think she knew?”

Ben lets out a breath and shakes his head. “If she knew, she would be dragging you out by your ear and making sure I knew exactly how stupid I really was and how I was corrupting you. Something along those lines.”

“Right.” Rey seems to ponder that scenario for a minute.

“You must be relieved you didn’t jump right in the closet huh?” He’s trying to be funny, but he ends up with a pillow smack to the face.

After that day, even when Luke goes out of town a couple more weekends, Rey never offers to stay the night.

It’s just another reason for him to resent his mother just a little bit more.


	7. Chapter 7

**March 2010**

Ben’s pretty certain he’s in love.

He doesn’t have much to go off of, besides cheesy rom-coms and some gross couples in his grade, but he thinks that whatever this feeling is, this feeling of absolute devotion that he feels for Rey, is as close to love as he’s ever gotten.

Sure, maybe it’s weird because no one knows about them, and they always have to be sneaking around, but there’s a part of him that kind of enjoys that. He likes the idea that Rey is finally something of his, someone who _wants him_ and isn’t just obligated to tolerate him. He sometimes feels like Rey was made just for him, that whoever was out there in the universe saw that he needed someone, and knew when he needed it most and there she was.

There was Rey.

Rey, who brought him out of his loner shell. Rey, who made him no longer feel like running away was the answer to all his problems. With Rey, he felt like he could truly find happiness, that there was someone out there who he couldn’t disappoint. He finally had someone who believed in him.

And he would do _anything_ to make sure he never disappointed her ever.

Yeah, he’s pretty positive he’s in love.

The only question now was how did she feel about him? In a few months he’d be going to college, most likely Notre Dame, his top choice. Leia had at least been pleased about that. Ben had begun to realize that the only colleges he applied to were all at least five-hundred miles away. _Hours_ away from Rey.

He’d also been considering _not_ going to college. Maybe take a year off and apply to more schools on the east coast.

Or maybe they could do long distance.

A secret couple doing long distance.

A secret, somewhat incestual couple by title only, doing long distance.

Sometimes he feels like a fucking moron.

It’s only March, and Ben can feel the days tick by like a fucking time bomb. Ever since Rey entered his life, it’s like there was a time before Rey, an awful time that he can hardly remember, and then a time after Rey, where there are suddenly hundreds of possibilities laid out for him. Literally everything seemed possible since she’d been by his side. She’d talk to him about his dumb start-up ideas, or what he would do with a business degree.

He no longer felt like he wanted to run away and never come back, he wanted to _try_ and fix the relationships that were broken. Maybe if they all could see that, could see he was trying, then his parents and Luke wouldn’t see him and Rey as such a bad thing.

Maybe they would actually be okay with it.

These are anxieties Ben deals with and thinks about every day. Questions he doesn’t want to think about, but also can’t stop thinking about.

He’s walking through the kitchen and towards the garage when his mother stops him. “Where are you going?” She certainly doesn’t beat around the bush.

Ben pauses and scoffs. “It’s a Friday so, none of your business.” He doesn’t need to turn around to know she’s rolling her eyes at him.

“You don’t turn eighteen for another few months, so, it is my business.” Her tone is stern. Ben doesn’t want a stupid question to turn into a fight, he doesn’t want to be delayed any more than he already is.

Ben lets out a dramatic sigh. “I’m going over to Hux’s. New download of Call of Duty just came out.” He casts her a ‘are you happy?’ expression.

Her eyes narrow. “If you’re going to drink alcohol, or do anything else stupid, you’ll be seeing Dr. Kanata every week until you graduate.”

“ _Okay,_ mom.” His mother rests her hand on her hip and he can tell she’s not done.

“You know, a fencing scout called from Boston College.” Ben knows where this conversation is heading and he does not want to have it. “Why didn’t you tell me you were interested in staying closer to home? I assumed all your choices were at least a four-hour flight away. And _fencing_? You haven’t fenced since you were eleven. Something sounds fishy about all this Ben.” His mother, ever so observant, peers at him intently. If she could read his mind she probably already would know _why_.

Ben shrugged. “I just wanted to keep my options open. I’m beginning to realize I don’t _have_ to run away from all my problems. Happy?” His hands gesture outwards in surrender.

He watches his mother process his words. Something akin to mild optimism begins to bloom on her face. She’s fighting back a smile, like she’s afraid her happiness would spook him. The sadistic part of him would love to instantly obliterate that hope right off her face, but he has an end goal here. There’s something he wants, needs to get to, and he knows, if he puts the effort in, he can get it.

Leia coughs lightly, straightening her posture. Her hands rest on the counter and she taps one finger three times. “Right, well, if you want to achieve your goals make sure you don’t lose the opportunity because of any rash decisions.”

Ben wonders what she means by that, but he also doesn’t give a shit to find out right this second.

“So, I can go now?” His thumb flicks back behind him towards the door.

His mother rolls her eyes. “Yes, fine.”

Ben can’t get out of there fast enough.

* * *

He’s pulls up the driveway and sees Rey approaching his car. His window is already rolled down and she leans against it. “Hey stranger.” She gives him one of her toothy grins, and he just about melts inside.

“Hey, you sure it’s ok for me to park in the driveway?” He glances around almost like he expects Luke to appear out of thin air.

Rey shrugs. “Luke should be gone until way late tonight. The entire historical council is holding some dinner for him in his honor. Besides, we can be friends and hangout, can’t we?”

Ben nods a bit dumbly, but opens his car door and steps out. “Yeah, I guess, friends who fuck…ouch!” Rey punches his arm.

They’re sitting in the living room with their respective textbooks in front of them. Ben helped Rey with some of her Ancient European facts, listing out the capital cities of countries that she couldn’t remember and didn’t care to look up.

There’s silence between them. The conversation they had by the car is still nagging at the back of his mind.

“It doesn’t bother you that our whole relationship is one big secret?”

Rey shrugs, putting her pencil down. “I mean, I dunno, I was kinda having fun with the whole sneaking around thing. It felt kind of bad, you know? Kind of hot. Besides, it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks, but our sort of relation within the relationship does make it weird for some people, and I just don’t want to deal with that.”

Ben feels his stomach churn for a reason he can’t explain. Everything she said, he felt it too. But why did it feel like it wasn’t as fun and healthy a relationship as her tone implied? There was a nagging in the back of his brain, something that’s calling him a moron. Alarm bells that are ringing: this _will_ end badly.

“Okay, yeah, me too—I mean, I agree with what you’re saying…”

“I’m not ashamed of you or anything Ben, if that’s what you’re thinking…”

“No!” Ben’s tone is louder than he expected it to be. He can admit to himself that there is a small part of him that did wonder that. If _she_ is part of the reason why no one knew they were even friends. “I guess—I guess I just keep wondering what’s going to happen once I graduate.”

Rey looks up startled. She looks like she hadn’t expected him to say that, hadn’t expected that at all…

Ben suddenly wants to take it back. His stomach sinking at the confused look on her face. Fuck, why did he say anything?

She seems to gather herself, thinking very quietly for a long antagonizing minute. Then her shoulders drop and she lets out a long exhale. “I mean…” She grabs one of her buns in her hair, twisting it. “I guess I just thought you’d go to college and do college stuff. And I’m totally fine with that. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it past that.” She says it quietly, like she’s come to the realization that he was on an entirely different page.

Ben feels his blood turn to ice. Every muscle in his body feels like it’s being contorted incorrectly and the pain is acute. “Right, I mean, that makes sense.” He says lamely. The images of Rey and him that were only just ideas, dreams, hallucinations, they all start to fizzle at the edges. They fall away all around him and all Ben can feel is the loss.

And it feels unbearably heavy.

Rey closes her text book. “But, look, it’s still months away. We should enjoy the time we do have, especially this kind of time where we don’t have to worry about being walked in on by any nosy adults.” She starts to shimmy her way into his lap, closing his textbook on the coffee table behind her.

He leans into her kiss, the warmth of her lip’s surges through his entire body. Rey’s right, he should stop thinking about all that. Maybe they did need to go on their own separate paths for a bit, he just desperately hoped that same path would reconnect at some point.

His thoughts blank when she pulls his bottom lip between her teeth, sucking on the skin before releasing it and repeating the motion again and again…

Ben feels himself starting to get hard, and he’s thrilled at the prospect of railing Rey against his uncles’ stupid antique couch. His hand comes up to clutch the back of Rey’s neck, while the other one cups her breast.

She moans into his mouth. Ben doesn’t think he can ever get enough of her. A couple more months would not be enough.

_BANG_

The loud sound makes them spring apart. Ben is dazed for a moment as he follows Rey’s gaze and he freezes.

“What the HELL is going on?” Ben thinks his eyes are deceiving him. Because his uncle is supposed to be at some honorary bullshit dinner. It’s still the afternoon. His uncle shouldn’t be standing, livid, in the entryway of the living room, glowering down at them. Rey is still perched on Ben’s lap and his hand is still on her chest, and in a latent moment of clarity he sharply brings it down to his side. But it’s too late, the damage has been done.

From the looks of it, they’re fucked.

* * *

Ben watches in slow motion as Luke slowly bends down to pick up his cane that he had dropped. In that same moment Rey has hopped off his lap with lightning speed. “Luke, it’s not—”

“It’s _not_ what it looks like? Are you serious Rey?” Luke looks like steam could blow from the top of his head at this point.

Rey shuts up, and inhales a shaky breath. It makes Ben whip his head to look at her. She looks like the thirteen-year-old girl he met two years ago, shaking and scared of the world she was being thrown into. He feels a fire burn in his gut.

His uncle’s expression is beyond livid. “Have you lost all sense?” He scowls.

Ben doesn’t turn his eyes away from Rey.

Luke just stares at them a moment longer before he lets out a long sigh. “Ben, you should probably head home now.”

Ben opens his mouth to protest, to defend Rey in some way he doesn’t know.

“I wasn’t asking Ben.” Luke’s tone is like ice and his bulging eyes land on him. It’s not just anger that Ben sees but, yet again, the sheer abject disappointment written all over his uncle’s face. The blame focused towards _him_ for doing this _to_ Rey, for taking advantage of her.

Just like Ben suspected he would.

Ben’s hands turn into fists and he feels the anger surging upwards.

“Ben, just go, please.” He blinks as he realizes that it’s Rey begging him. Asking him to leave.

_She doesn’t want him here?_

He doesn’t understand why that’s the first thing he thinks when he looks at her. She sounds annoyed almost, like Luke, like he’s the bad guy.

What the fuck is happening?

He knew this situation was a possibility, but some naïve part of him didn’t think it would happen. He didn’t think Rey would dismiss him like this. He didn’t think a lot of things. But here he stands, an inconvenience in the room, a tumultuous force that didn’t belong.

That didn’t belong with Rey.

Ben grabs his textbook off the coffee table and shoves it in his backpack. He doesn’t look at Rey as he goes, not sure if his heart would be able to take it.

Luke turns his gaze away from him as he passes. Ben truly wants to punch him square in the mouth.

Ben slams the door behind him as he goes.

He doesn’t comprehend the tears on his face until shuts his car door and screams into the oblivion.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [We are now in the throes of the angst...]

The slam of the front door makes her jump. Memories of slammed doors and shouting from long ago echo in the back of her mind.

She feels cold.

“L-Luke I…” She gasps, unable to form the words. She’s at a loss for what to say. She never planned to get caught, or maybe she had? Had she been careless?

Luke sighs. “Rey, it really could have been anybody, _anybody_ else.” He enters the room then motioning for her to sit on the couch. “Sit.”

Rey’s knuckles are white as they fiddle with the hem of her shirt. She doesn’t know how this is going to go. She’s hardly ever disappointed Luke, let alone seen him look so furious. “I’m sorry.” It comes out automatically and she stares off into space as she wonders what possessed her to apologize. She didn’t even know what she was sorry about. Kissing Ben? Certainly not. Getting caught? Possibly.

Luke just sighs again, harder this time. “I know that you’re now a young woman…”

_Oh, bloody hell._ She prayed to anyone that was out there that she was not about to have the sex talk with Luke.

“…And you start developing all kinds of feelings.” Rey peaks up at Luke to at least be appeased that he looks as mortified as she feels.

“Feelings.” She echoes, afraid to ask what kind of feelings Luke was talking about. Emotional feelings? Please do not let it be physical…

“Ben’s just, Ben’s always been so difficult. There’s a lot of things he needs to figure out, a lot of anger that can’t be left unchecked.”

_Oh…okay._

Rey could argue that, while she knows Ben can be a dick sometimes, she’d never really seen that side of him. Whatever it was Luke was talking about, it couldn’t apply to Ben, not anymore.

“What did he do that was so terrible?” If she’s supposed to stay away from him, she needs to know why and the reason needs to be better than: he was difficult.

Luke seems to ponder his answer for a while. “Ben’s had a…troubled past.” Luke uses his cane to help him across the room. He sits beside her, hands folding in his lap. “You don’t know this, but before I spent those three months in the UK Ben was living with me here.”

Rey didn’t know that. She waits for the other shoe to drop.

“Ben spent his last year of junior high in a therapeutic youth program. He was kicked out of his previous school for beating a kid so bad he was in a coma for two months.”

Rey feels her breath catch. She can’t see that in Ben, at least not anymore. “That program must have really helped him then. Ben’s nothing like that, not anymore.”

Luke looks at her with something she thinks is akin to pity and it makes her feel small and childish.

“Ben still has a lot of anger inside him.”

Rey shakes her head. “No, I think you’re just refusing to see that he’s changed. There’s good in him. He’s not like that anymore!”

“Rey, Ben isn’t someone you can rely on. And I want that for you, I want you to have the life that was kept from you. You deserve to be in happy and healthy relationships. As your guardian, it’s my job to help guide you through that. Anything you have with Ben…I’m afraid it could never be healthy.”

Rey considers his words. She’s being given a chance at a family, to be with people who _want_ her. The fact that she is being selfish with that gift, with freedom. She knows life as a fleeting series of experiences, the most she could ever hope for was to live through each one as painlessly as possible.

And that was _before_ Luke, and the Solo’s and Finn and Rose and…

“And Ben, well Ben feels things very intensely. And aside from the big elephant in the room regarding the fact that, even if not by blood, you are _family_. It just, it just wouldn’t be a good idea.” Luke is more so speaking at her rather than to her. “Rey, you _are_ a part of our family now. I don’t want to see a fleeting few months with Ben take that away from you.”

And there it was. Rey recognizes it for what it is. She can hardly blame Luke for saying it, because it’s true. This new life, this new family that had welcomed her. There was potential for their relationship to be a scandal, to create a rift in their already precarious family dynamic.

She feels that familiar fear of being alone engulf her, suddenly realizing that an unhealthy relationship with Ben might not be worth the possibility of being entirely alone. 

Ben was just one person. And all she really knew about him was in the way he fucked her. A few months from now he’s going to leave. He’s going to be hundreds of miles away. College guys did not pine after sixteen-year-olds.

It’s true what she told Ben. She hadn’t really thought about what would happen past graduation. She hadn’t thought about it because when she did, all she thought about was him leaving her.

Because people leaving her was an inevitable that she was used to.

Rey promised herself, on the days when she was locked in her room, on the days when her mum wouldn’t come home for hours, she promised herself she would never have any expectations. She wouldn’t wonder about the ‘what if’ anymore. She wouldn’t wonder if her mum would ever come back, she wouldn’t wonder if she would ever get out of that shithole.

And when she no longer expected anything, she no longer feared the disappointment. And it had worked well for her before.

But somehow, this scenario rings different. Somehow, Rey made an exception for Ben. She’d made an exception for the whole Organa-Solo, Skywalker family. She let herself believe they were her family now, and she let herself believe that a sexual relationship with Ben wouldn’t sabotage that.

And now that she is proven wrong on that fact, Rey starts to realize her mistake.

But they must have known that all along, right? That’s why it had always stayed a secret.

Everything was just so messed up now. Rey did not have a handle on her emotions. It was like she had been locked inside a bubble of her own creation, where it was safe for her to be a Skywalker and have Ben Solo too.

“Are you going to tell Leia?” The thought of seeing her disappointment directed at her terrifies her.

Luke’s mouth turns down into a grimace. “If whatever I saw was only a one-time thing, then… no. Better to nip this in the bud now than turn it into something disastrous and deal with that fallout later.”

Rey just nods. No matter what she decides there will be a fallout whether it’s with the only family she’s ever known…or with Ben. She thinks about what she has to do. The very thought of it feels like she has bricks tied to her ankles and she knows she is about to willing jump into the ocean and let them drag her down and down and down.


	9. Chapter 9

**One week later**

Ben doesn’t know what he’s doing. He’d texted Rey that night after Luke had walked in on them. He wanted to make sure she was ok, but he also had to know what happened, what Luke had said. Ben could imagine all the horrible things Luke had to say about him. It made a sharp pain in his chest twinge.

Sure, Rey knew he was a dick, but she didn’t know of some of the things he had done. Some of the people he had hurt…

And now he is panicking. Rey had said everything was ok, they just had to lay low for a while. But she isn’t texting him, and he almost feels like she is avoiding him at school. Scratch that, she _is_ avoiding him in school. It’s just that no one knows they are together to begin with to even notice.

So, fast-forward back to Ben now, scaling the brick detailing at the side of Luke’s house that conveniently led to Rey’s room. Her light is on, and like some creep he watches her pace around her room before he decides to just go for it.

When he taps on her window, he watches Rey jump almost a foot out of her skin. Whirling to the window with her mouth open.

She unlocks it though and opens it out wide. “You shouldn’t be here!” She hisses even as he grabs hold of the window sill and climbs in.

Ben rights himself once inside her room. “I just, I had to see you—to talk to you. What the hell happened? My parents have been acting none-the-wiser.”

“Luke decided to keep his discovery…to himself.”

Ben pales. “What? So, he’s…is he okay with us?” He can feel the hope start to blossom in his chest. The strangled feeling around his heart lessens.

He thinks he can feel a smile on the corner of his lip as he approaches her. His hands coming around her arms, his thumbs soothing her biceps.

Rey frowns. “I mean I wouldn’t say he was okay with it. I think he’s still processing. And there’s the fact that I told him it was a one-time thing.”

Ben’s mind is working a mile a minute. He gets it he does, but he still can’t help but wonder why. For just a second, he believed that what they were to each other – if approved by Luke – would mean it would be okay. It would be okay for them to be together. They weren’t related, it could be okay couldn’t it?

“So, we’re still sneaking around?” He asks it more as a confirmation that they aren’t done yet. Everything will be fine they just have to be even more careful.

Rey sighs. “Ben, I don’t know…”

“I mean the whole thing is stupid right?” He doesn’t understand why he’s panicking in this way. “We aren’t even related, it shouldn’t matter.”

“We’re not nothing to most people in this town. We’re cousins Ben. Whether it’s by blood or not.”

Ben’s eyes narrow. “You sound like a miniaturized clone of my uncle.”

Rey shakes his hands off of her creating a space between them. Ben feels his blood run cold.

“You said we had till the end of the year. If you still want this, and I think that you do, we can just keep doing what we were doing. And then I’ll go off to college and we can move on then, okay?” She looks scared again, and he wants to know what she’s so scared of. Because he’s fucking scared too, he’s totally out of his element.

“Rey,” he holds his hand out to her, beckoning her to come closer, to bridge the space she made between them. “Please.”

She looks at his hand between them. The look of longing is there, he can see it, he knows she wants to take his hand. She has to.

He desperately needs her to.

Maybe if they make it to the end of the year, maybe she’ll feel it too, maybe she’ll see how perfect they are for each other. She’ll see that she was brought to this family because she was the missing piece that kept them all together. She’ll find the family she always wanted, and maybe even, in return, find the love she always craved. Maybe she would love him back by then and everything else will just fall into place.

He just needs more time.

Rey inhales a shaky breath. “Ben.” She doesn’t say yes, she doesn’t say more than that, but Ben can feel it in his fucking bones.

He closes the distance between them and kisses her. She lets him.

It’s a savage kiss and Ben tries with all his might to convey the fact that he fucking loves her in that kiss. He tries to tell her that she’s not alone, he’s here and he’ll be here even past the aforementioned ‘end date’ that looms over their heads.

He has Rey wrapped entirely around him, one arm cradles her head his hand woven in her hair, and the other loops around her back, holding her flushed against him.

He pulls their lips apart so he can catch his breath. “Please…can I fuck you?” Can I show you how important you truly are to me?

Rey looks up at him with searching eyes, her bottom lip trembles and he leans down to peck at it, to soothe her.

“Please, Rey.” And she cuts him off just as his name leaves his lips. She crashes their lips together in a kiss that is so forceful it knocks him back a few steps. His hands are all over her then. “I promise, Rey. I promise it’s all going to be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”

He feels her shiver against him. A soft whimper escapes her mouth.

Her hands are suddenly on him. She tugs his t-shirt roughly over his head. Her hand reaches for his belt next. Their hands are a frenzy of movement, removing each other’s clothes until they stand there naked.

Rey’s gaze unapologetically lingers on his erection pointing directly at her like she’s its north star. She turns and rushes to her bathroom, coming back a moment later with a tampon box. She plucks a condom out of it before ripping it open. Her eyes never leave his as her hand feels around for his cock before rolling it down his shaft.

Her gaze burns him, his whole body feels like it’s on fire. He never wants to forget the way she’s looking at him right now. There’s something about her that feels different than before. He leans down to kiss her gently this time. His fingers thread through her hair and grip her scalp as he slowly lowers her down onto her bed.

When he enters her, he lets out a quiet gasp, before her hand moves from his shoulder to clamp around his mouth. Her other hand drags one of his that’s gripping her hip for dear life and slowly brings it up to her own mouth. Her cunt squeezes him exponentially when he presses his palm harder against her lips.

_Fuck_ she feels like fucking heaven.

His thrusts are slow, as he makes an effort to make as little noise as possible. She seems to like it _a lot_. Every drag of his cock against her inner walls has her clamping around him, her breath escaping her through her nose. He takes his other hand that is not against her mouth and strokes her clit in the same antagonizing slow rhythm.

He keeps his pace the same, but the pressure increases as he feels her pussy start to squeeze him in more rhythmic succession. He prides himself in knowing how to make her come. He knows her body so wholly, he knows her more than he knows himself.

When she comes, the grip is _so_ tight that Ben’s mind blacks out as he’s overcome by the sensation of his own orgasm. As he comes down and stills above her, he slowly removes his hand from her mouth and she does the same. She wipes a stray tear hastily from her face.

She just stares at him for a long moment. Her hair is a tousled mess and her lips are swollen. Her hand raises to cup his cheek, her thumb brushes across his cheekbone a couple times before she brings him down for a kiss.

It’s extremely gentle and she moves her lips slowly against his like she’s memorizing every curve.

“We’re going to be okay Rey, I promise.” He says it with such reverence he is convinced it must be true.

When they both start pulling their clothes back on, Rey says, “I’ll text you this week and we can plan the next time we meet.”

Ben feels oddly unsettled by that comment unsure what to make of it.

Before he leaves out her window once more, he tells her again that everything is going to be alright. She gives him a small smile and a nod, but she doesn’t say anything. She does lean over and kiss his forehead before he makes his descent down her two-story window. He feels the imprint of her lips the whole way down. When he touches the ground, he looks up again to see her light on. He waits, wondering if she’ll walk back to the window and watch him leave.

Ten seconds later the light goes off and Ben treks back to his car that he parked down the road away from view, ignoring the weird pang in his gut.

They were going to be okay.

Weren’t they?


	10. Chapter 10

It's been three days since Ben snuck into Rey bedroom window. Ben’s sitting at his usual table for lunch. Hux is prattling on about the new Call of Duty update. Ben’s attention is nowhere near focused on him however. He’s waiting to catch sight of Rey with her friends. He’d texted her yesterday to see when they would be meeting and where. He guessed it would have to be a random place, somewhere where his parents or Luke wouldn’t ever be. But she never replied, and she hardly ever went an hour before replying to his messages.

An uncomfortable knot had formed in his stomach. Why hadn’t she said anything back?

Gwen sidles into the seat beside Hux her eyes glowing with mischief. “You guys won’t believe who the new hot couple of the weekend is.”

Hux rolls his eyes, but clearly looks intrigued. Gwen waits for them to bite, but when neither boy offers up the follow up question Gwen just groans.

“Ugh, you boys are no fun.” She pouts. “Anyway, looks like James Jared got himself a sophomore girlfriend.”

Ben rolled his eyes. James was a striker on the soccer team and dumber than a ton of bricks. But he was proclaimed the most attractive guy at Takodano High and extremely popular solely because of it.

“Just fucking spit it out Gwen.” Hux snarled, he clearly looked fed up by the buildup. “Who’s the sophomore he’s banging.”

Gwen smirks at Hux’s distress. “James is boning none other than Rey Skywalker.”

Ben feels an instant pressure bubble up from his chest and to his throat. Clearly, he hadn’t heard that correctly.

“Where’d you hear that rumor?” He tries to pass it off as indifference, he really does, but there’s a high-pitched sound going off in his head making his ears ring.

“Uh, not a rumor Solo, just see for yourself.” Gwen motions behind him, but he doesn’t want to turn around. There’s no possible way he’s going to see Rey with _anybody_. It’s just not fucking possible.

Hux leans a bit to the left to look around Ben. His eyebrows raise. “Huh, shit. Jared’s such a fucking dick.”

Ben feels like his body weighs over a ton as he turns to look where they’re both looking.

His eyes automatically land on her first. He can’t help it. She’s wearing a red long sleeve shirt, she always looks fucking good in red. Her hair is not pulled back in her usual buns, but it’s now half up, the rest of it brushing against her shoulders. Ben realizes why he’s able to zero in on her so quick is because she’s perched higher than the rest of them.

Ben’s vision skews as it comprehends the rest of the picture. Rey is seated higher than everyone else because she’s sitting quite cozily on James fucking Jared’s lap.

It has actually been awhile since Ben has been so angry that he saw red, and the feeling catches him off guard.

_What the actual fuck?_

He watches as James leans closer to her ear to whisper something to her and then she’s laughing, she’s laughing like she’s never heard of humor before and has just now been introduced. She’s laughing like she fucking loves it.

Ben’s familiar with jealousy, envy, and rage, but it’s been a long time since he’s experienced all three at once. Throw extreme confusion in the mix and Ben is non-functional.

“What do girls even see in that fucking idiot anyway? He has a first name as a last name.” Hux grumbles.

Gwen shakes her head disbelieving. “Armie really? His name is like something out of a rom-com. He’s gotta be almost 6’5, super-hot, a starter on the varsity soccer team, did I mention fucking hot? And apparently his dick is huge.”

Ben stands up abruptly from the table. He has to get out of there before he does something incredibly stupid, like storm over there and beat James Jared within an inch of his life.

What the fuck kind of a name is James Jared anyway?

“What’s up his ass?” He hears Gwen mutter, but he honestly can’t give a fuck.

Ben thinks he might be experiencing a panic attack. When he reaches the hallway, he finds he’s having trouble breathing. Maybe he’s still asleep and he’s having a horrible, _horrible_ dream. He just needs to get outside for a bit, he just needs a second to chill—

Someone bumps into him, or more likely, he bumped into them. The force of it throws him off balance and against the lockers. When his vision somewhat clears, he sees the face of Luke Marcus staring back at him. Luke is a junior and in his AP lit class. And fuck, maybe it’s because his name is Luke but it pushes Ben over the edge.

Poor Luke honestly.

“Whoa, Solo, you okay? Sorry about that I didn’t see you coming around the cor—”

Luke doesn’t get to finish his sentence before Ben’s fist hurls towards his face, hitting him square in the jaw and knocking him to the ground. A few kids around them start shouting. One kid, another senior in his class pushes him against the lockers as means to hold him back.

But honestly, fuck that kid too. Ben swivels around to swing his elbow back and into the boy’s shoulder making him gasp in surprise and release him.

Ben doesn’t remember the rest of the fight.

When he comes to, he’s sitting in the principal’s office with an icepack over his left eye. His mother is there and they’re discussing his two-week suspension.

He hears the words ‘truly reprehensible’, and ‘he was going to therapy, we’ll start those again immediately’.

It’s not until they’re in his mother’s car that she rips him a new one.

“Ben, what is going on with you? You only have a few months left! You couldn’t keep your anger issues in control long enough to graduate? What if Notre Dame rescinds your acceptance?”

“Notre Dame can go fuck right off!” He yells because fuck college. Just fuck it.

“You are going back to therapy immediately and those anger management meetings.” Leia peels out of the parking lot. “Also, until you graduate, your car is being confiscated.”

“How will I go see a therapist or attend those meetings without a car, mom?” He spits the words out with such rancid, he can’t wait to get out of here. Fuck graduation and fuck college and FUCK EVERYONE.

Leia huffs in anger. “Therapy will come to you and for those meetings you can take the God-damn bus for all I care! I don’t understand Benjamin, you were doing so well, and then you just want to throw it all away?”

Ben doesn’t respond. It’s not like he can tell her anyway, tell her that he’s been fucking his ‘cousin’ for the last three months and then fell in love with her. Can’t tell her how he’s suffering from a fucking _broken heart_.

It’s not like she would understand anyway.

He should have texted her sooner, or called her even. How had this all even happen within three days? Maybe they’d been a thing for longer and he’d just been an idiot who hadn’t known? But they had spent basically every day together, when would she have found the time? Did she start something with him the week after Luke caught them? Back when they had been laying low?

So much of it didn’t make sense. Even if he did know why she did it, it didn’t discount the way she had done it. It didn’t soften the blow to the fucking chest that left him still gasping for breath.

He starts running through Friday night over and over. He looks over every word they said to each other. She said they just had to wait a few days, but it was definitely not alluded that she ‘needed a few days to pick her new favorite dick to sit on.’

“It’s going to be okay Ben.” His mother’s voice is shaking now and she’s on the verge of tears. Ben can’t bear to look at her. “I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but it will get better, it will. I-we’re going to get you the help you need.” Her voice trembles with the conviction of a woman so close to the brink of defeat.

And the thing is, he _had been_ getting better. He hadn’t had an anger issue since well before Christmas. He had been feeling better too, he had been feeling fucking amazing.

He thought he was in _love_.

But he was just a delusional fuck and a loose cannon that would never live up to his potential. He would always disappoint the people around him. He would never be good enough.

He certainly wasn’t good enough for Rey.

He was a fool to think that Rey had ever wanted anything from him other than being an easy dick to sit on.

As they drive home, he looks out the window as the world blurs by, and he vows to remind himself every day that be better remember this. He better remember that someone like him isn’t deserving of love, isn’t deserving of people who are good. Love would never happen for someone like _him_ and anything close to it would always fucking hurt.

* * *

**June 2010**

Ben’s graduation is just as painful as he thought it would be. He reluctantly poses for pictures with his parents, with Luke, and even Dr. Kanata.

And that’s it.

Since the fight, Ben had alienated himself from anyone who used to talk to him—or even tolerate him.

Which was just fine with him.

He went from an unimportant loner, to a full-blown social pariah now fully equip with proven anger issues.

It didn’t matter though, he would probably never see any of these people ever again, if he could help it. USC was double the distance as Notre Dame. He could start his life over and forget all this bullshit. He had certainly worked extremely hard for it.

He could be whoever he wanted to be.

“Ben, we’ll see you at the house.” His dad rests his hand on Ben’s shoulder and he looks over startled. Han is holding his car keys between his fingers. Now that he’s graduated, and he was on his good boy behavior, the terms of his vehicle’s confiscation were finally lifted.

His parents were throwing a graduation party more for themselves than for him. The whole class was invited and he had no intention of being there. It was for the best really, everyone attending most likely hoped he wouldn’t be there either.

As they walk through the massive parking lot Ben curses as he scours the rows of section D where his dad said he parked it. He starts clicking the lock button, searching for the familiar beep.

It oddly feels like home when he sits in the driver’s seat. Like he found a long-lost friend after years apart. “Don’t worry, we’ll be out of here and in California before you know it.”

He’s about to stick the key in the ignition when he catches sight of two people across the way. His hand freezes.

Rey is perched at the edge of James Jared’s flatbed pickup truck. She’s wearing his graduation cap and Ben can’t deny it looks sexy as fuck on her. His hand tightens around his key in a vice grip.

In the safety of his car, he can stare at them without being noticed. And it’s not like he can fucking look away even if he tried. Why can’t he just turn his fucking car on and get the fuck out of there?

Instead his eyes are glued to Rey’s smile as James twirls the fucking tassel around her nose. Her face scrunches up in that adorable way and she appears to be tickled by it.

Fuck his fucking life.

He hates that it bothers him still. That after three months, they still seem to be peachy-keen and so fucking happy together. Ben had assumed once James graduated, he’d be over a high school girlfriend. He was a fucking douche after all. But he seemed legitimately still into Rey and he was only going to community college—because he was a fucking dumbass.

He hates that he finds himself wondering—often—what the fuck Rey see’s in him. Why did she silently dump him to be with that bricks for brains asshat?

Ben feels his hand shaking, the rage is bubbling up on the surface. With wide eyes, he takes five steadying breaths. His eyes slam shut as he watches her lean forward to kiss him and he repeats a silent mantra in his head.

_She’s nothing. She’s nothing. You are not your past. Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. She’s nothing, no one. You don’t care about her. You don’t fucking care._

He just had to get out of this toxic shithole. It would all get better once he was just _out of here_.

Once he was out and away from Rey, it would all get better. The pain would all be over.

It had to be.

“Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to.” He mutters it to himself as he turns his car on.

_She’s nothing, no one._ Ben says it over and over as he drives.

Just a few more times and he’ll start to believe it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [note: time jump! We're baaaack]

**July 2019**

The tension in the room is so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Rey certainly did not expect this when she planned her week stay with Luke before heading off to Boston herself. She certainly did not expect to see The ghost of her past, come to haunt her in the newly transformed, overly confident sex god that was Ben Solo—or Kylo?

The silence in the room is broken when the leggy brunette steps further into the room. “Mrs. Solo, it is _so_ great to finally meet you. I’ve been dying to meet Kylo’s family.”

Leia looks like she ate something and found the taste to be extremely disagreeable. “Kylo?” She looks questioningly at her son.

Ben takes the prompt to interject. “Everyone in the Valley calls me Kylo Ren, I’m surprised if you hadn’t read about it in any news circuit, since that’s _all_ you like to spend your time on, public image and all that.” Ben says it in such a belittling tone, the disrespect rattles Rey.

Leia sits up a bit straighter in her chair. “Forgive me,” though she doesn’t sound apologetic in the _least_ … “I was not under the impression that self-righteous monikers pertained to family, to the people who raised you.” Her tone is icy. Rey feels Poe nudge her leg again.

Ben crosses his arms. “I would appreciate it if you would acknowledge me as Kylo Ren of First Order, top 30 under 30 according to Forbes, leading one of the top tech giants in the world. There’s a lot more involved to get to such a position. It’s not just shaking hands and throwing parties.”

Rey wonders who this stranger is in the body of a boy she used to know, or someone she thought she knew.

She hears a snigger beside her and looks over surprisingly at Poe. The back of his hand is covering his mouth and when he catches her confused expression he mutters, “sorry it’s just—”

“Have we _interrupted_ something?” Ben looks scathingly at Poe now, interrupting him from finishing his sentence.

This is not good. Rey knows enough of Ben Solo to know when he’s on the verge of turning what was a lovely dinner into an intergalactic space battle. And now, with this new persona of Kylo Ren, who knows what could happen.

Except Rey should really have accounted for Poe, she really should have.

Poe’s eyes narrow at Ben, in a look that Rey can only determine silently says, _are you serious dude?_

“Uh, yes actually you have.”

Ben narrows his eyes back. “And…who are you?”

Poe sits up straighter, angling his body towards Rey. “Poe Dameron, racecar driver, Formula Renault 2.0 series champion, and Rey’s fella at your service.” He’s mocking Ben, Rey knows this, she watches the expression on Ben’s face transform from bemused to cold amusement in a matter of seconds.

“Well, figures Rey would bring a chauvinist street rat home.”

“Alright Ben, that’s enough!” Its Han whose voice is booming over the squabble. Han is standing now, napkin thrown on the table.

Ben stares at his father with a haughty expression and then he just shrugs.

“Whatever, I’m going to show Baz around town. Maybe when we get back you will all be in a better mood.”

They leave the room and the rest of the dinner party falls away as Rey realizes he never looked at her, not once.

* * *

“So, your cousin's an asshole.” Poe remarks as they get ready for bed.

Rey comes out of the bathroom, toothbrush still in her mouth, searching for her moisturizer. She could have sworn she’d thrown it in her bag…

“I mean, coming here unannounced like that and bringing a trophy girlfriend—just, wow.” Poe continues. Rey’s left shoulder oddly twitches at the mention of ‘Baz’. Didn’t trophy girlfriends have to have something to offer to be considered something worth winning?

Rey spits into the sink in the adjoining bathroom. She turns the hot faucet all the way up and watches the steam rise as it rinses the toothpaste from the sink basin. She’s thinking about the next ten days here, wondering how much of it will involve awkward and uncomfortable run-ins with Ben.

The last time they’d spoken, Ben had looked completely different, he _was_ different. The pleading expression on his face blinks back at her in the mirror and she starts.

_We’re going to be okay Rey, I promise._

Rey shakes her head to push the memory away. If they had continued what they were doing, they would never have been okay. Nothing about their relationship was okay. She knows she was the one that started it, she forced the relationship, or the sex, or whatever it was they had. She started the mess and it was only fair that she be the one to end it.

Looking back on it now, Rey thinks that she could have maybeee done things a little differently. She could have been more of an adult about it and told Ben it wasn’t going to work. He had been _so_ convinced that they could work, that a romantic relationship was possible. Instead, Rey picked up a new boyfriend, the first one she could find really and basically told Ben they were done by making out with said new boyfriend right in front of his face.

She knows it wasn’t her finest moment. In fact, it was probably her worst.

She knows Ben was suspended that day for fighting, and she never reached out. Han and Leia were clearly stressed, and Rey used the excuse of a robotics tournament to reason why she couldn’t go over and work on BB-8 as often as she used to.

She avoided Ben at all costs at school, though it was pretty easy to do so because she was pretty sure he was avoiding her as well. Rey didn’t see him again until his graduation, when she went to support James. She worked extremely hard to not even think about Ben, and James was an easy distraction to help with that mission.

They even dated throughout most of her junior year, much to Luke’s discomfort. However, he never said anything about it, he almost openly supported her relationship with James, who was eighteen while she was only sixteen. Rey assumes it was because that option was a million times better than what could have been. Luke wasn’t lying when he told her it could literally be _anyone_ else.

And Ben? It clearly seemed like he was much better off. He was extremely successful now. She’d read his 30 under 30 article. As much as she tried to forget about him, there was always going to be a part of her that couldn’t.

Ben showing up unannounced with a Victoria's Secret model shouldn't bother her.

It shouldn’t bother her.

Why did it bother her?

“Rey?”

Rey jumps, all wandering thoughts of Ben drift away with the steam in the room.

She looks at Poe standing in the doorway. “Sorry, I was thinking about when we should meet up with Finn and Rose… what did you say?”

Poe just looks at her for a moment and then shrugs. “No, nothing, you just seemed out of it. I do want to take Han up on his offer to take the Falcon out for a spin. I think we were going to do that tomorrow.”

Rey nods. “Okay that’s no problem. I do want to catch up with them for a while, and you can probably meet us at Lando’s for dinner.”

Their conversation is interrupted when a loud crash sounds from somewhere in the house.

The house, while being extremely vast and hundreds of years old, travels sound like an echoing cave.

She can hear the giggles from down the hall. “ _Oh my god, Kylo, stop! We’re going to wake the whole house!”_ She hears the annoying shrill voice of Baz, what kind of name was Baz anyway?

Ben’s voice is much deeper almost like a growl, and when she hears it, she hates that it instantly has an effect on her. “ _Good. I hope they’re forced to stay up all night when they hear all the ways I make you scream.”_

“Jesus.” Poe says from beside Rey. She realizes she’s suddenly shivering, but not from the cold. Did the AC cut off? It is suddenly sweltering. “Rey, it’s very messed up, but I apologize for any boners I might have as a result of any loud sounds of a sexual nature we might hear.”

Rey feels the blush travel from her cheeks and through her entire body. If the ground wanted to swallow her whole right now, she wouldn’t complain. In fact, she would welcome it.

As they get into bed and Rey shuts off the light, she is thankful to hear the sound of central air kick back on and hopes it keeps any sounds, especially _certain_ voices, out of earshot.

Rey goes to sleep fitfully, dreaming of promises and disappointed stares.

This could potentially be a very terrible ten days.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rose is who carried the rest of my writing inspiration for this story. I mean Tico's Antiques? I would go there.]

Rey hears a squeal the instant she walks into Tico's Antiques.

“Ahh, you’re here!” Rose jumps up from around the counter, deftly maneuvering through the piles of old furniture and knick-knacks. Her arms come around Rey and squeeze hard.

“Oof,” Rey exhales as she returns the embrace.

“Now that you’re officially moving back here, you better come out here at least twice a month. There’s no excuse now.” Rose hooks her arm in the crook of Rey’s elbow. “Come on, let me show you baby.”

Now it’s Rey’s turn to smile excitedly. As they walk to the back of the shop, Rose reaches into a small pram by the counter. “Rey, meet Ruby. Ruby, this is your God-Mommy Rey.” Rey can’t help the smile that widens on her face as she peers at the infant.

“Oh, my god, she is precious.” Rose hands the baby off into Rey’s arms. Ruby looks at Rey with blinking eyes and gurgles.

Rose nods. “Another reason why you’ll have to visit all the time. Have Poe racecar-drive you over here in under thirty minutes. It is possible, I tried it already.”

Rey glances at her best friend curiously. Rose rolls her eyes. “This was pre-baby, okay? Anyway, since you’re God-Mommy, you’ll have a bunch of responsibilities too. Should we have her call you God-Mummy? I already have a great idea for a costume!”

The unfamiliar feeling of warmth floods Rey’s chest. So, _this_ is what it means to have a family.

Rey grins at Ruby whose little fist has started to lightly punch her shoulder. “As long as it doesn't involve me being wrapped in toilet paper.”

Rose goes to the back room to pull another stool out next to hers by the counter. “So,” she starts, and there’s something in her tone that sounds conspiratorial. Rey looks up bemused. “You won’t guess who walked into my shop this morning.”

Rey has a sinking suspicion that she knows _exactly_ who Rose is talking about, but she just shrugs in response.

Rose lights up at the prospect of sharing new gossip. “None other than Ben Solo with some crazy hot super model. Except, she kept calling him some weird name. Kylo—or something? And, damn girl, I mean he was _so_ awkward in high school, but—I sort of hate to admit it—he has gotten fiiine. Like hot in that techy Silicon Valley caveman vibe.”

Rey doesn’t have to try hard at looking disgruntled, albeit for a slightly different reason. Baz didn’t look like a ‘crazy-hot super model’, at least in Rey’s opinion. And Rey knows Ben did look slightly awkward, if anything he just looked like he had yet to grow into his features. But, even then, he could look at you and make you feel like you were the only person in the world who mattered…

“So, weird coincidence that he’s planning to move back to the area too. They were shopping around for antiques. His fiancé seemed super into some of the colonial style pieces.”

Rey’s brain does a double take. _Fiancé?!_ She thinks back to yesterday when they gate-crashed the lovely dinner they were having. She didn’t see a ring, but then again, she had been so overwhelmed by their presence alone she hadn’t even looked.

“Uh, yeah, that is pretty weird. I thought Ben wanted nothing to do with the East Coast.”

Rose leans forward, clearly living for the thrill of this gossip. “I _know_. Hasn’t he not been back here in like a decade?”

“Yeah, since graduating.”

Rose hums in agreement. “How are his parents taking all this? Wait, are they staying at the house? Is this the set up for the cheesy northeastern family romantic comedy drama I have always been hoping for? Wait, am I like the random, yet pivotal sub-character whose shop is like a plot point for a big mother-in-law/bride-to-be squabble right outside on the street that involves the destruction of antique heirlooms from some old white dude who’s been dead for hundreds of years?!”

Rose looks like she’s about to hyperventilate with excitement. Rey feels like she just went through a wash cycle that has yet to be rung dry.

“Wow, you haven’t thought about this at all have you?”

Rose just nods excitedly. “I always did hope I would be the Mrs. Kim of Takodana, except Ruby would definitely be allowed to listen to rock music instead of bible study.”

Rey can’t help but smile. “I missed you.”

“Damn straight you did, this small town is not the same without you. Who else can I tell all my visionary rom-com concepts to? Finn won’t ever humor me! What a terrible husband.”

Rey’s smile widens. “Finn is a fantastic husband.”

Rose takes Ruby back from Rey when she starts to fuss. “Yes, yes he is.” She acquiesces. “So, pause on the Ben Solo/Kylo drama for a second. How are you? How’s Poe? This is a _big_ move for you guys.” Rose says it with levity that does not support how Rey really feels about it. She can tell that Rose senses it.

Rey hadn’t really thought about it when she got the offer from MIT. It was a _huge_ opportunity that no one in their right mind would pass up. When she first mentioned it to Poe, it had been a strained conversation. He didn’t seem so sure about leaving Arizona and the race track for a colder and drearier Massachusetts.

“Yeah, it’s going to be a change, but it’s good, it will be good.” Rey doesn’t know if she’s convincing her friend or herself.

Rose doesn’t pry though. She just smiles assuredly. “It will be, being with family again and all that. I’m sure Luke has missed you.”

Rey just nods. “Yeah, he has.”

* * *

Rose closes the shop an hour early and they head to Lando’s to meet the boys for dinner.

Finn is already there at a booth. He lights up when he sees them walk in and embraces Rey in a tight hug. Rose then hands Ruby over to him as she sits down beside him.

Rey flips through the menu as they wait for Poe. “Wow, Lando’s hasn’t changed one bit.”

“Sure hasn’t.” Finn quips.

“Rey Skywalker?”

Rey glances up to see a shorter woman with large round glasses standing by their table. “Dr. Kanata, uh, it’s good to see you.” She didn’t really know Maz Kanata that well. They’d met for a few sessions when she first moved to Takodana, when Luke thought it would be useful to help Rey acclimate to a new and _very_ different place. Rey was more familiar with Maz due to the fact that she was close with Luke and Leia and that Ben was forced to go to therapy sessions with her every week after he got suspended.

“Well, this is a surprise.” The old woman murmurs not unkindly. “Are you in town visiting?”

Rey oddly feels like this conversation is not a usual catch up. She isn’t sure why she feels this way. “Uh, no actually. I got a position on the robotics research division at MIT. I’m moving to Boston next week.”

Maz lifts a curious eyebrow. “Oh, really? That is very interesting news. What a great honor. Luke must be very proud of you.”

Rey just smiles, unsure of how to respond.

“Well, have a wonderful evening. It was good to run into you.” Maz pats Rey gently on the shoulder. “My door is always open if you ever need to come see me.” Rey mumbles some sort of reply before the older woman heads out the door.

Finn and Rose are both staring at the woman’s retreating back. “That…was interesting.” Finn says.

“I swear Dr. Kanata can perform jedi mind tricks.” Rose quips in a hushed tone. “She is definitely a mind reader and maybe a fortune teller.”

The conversation is stilted when Poe walks into the diner. He spots them and scoots into the seat beside Rey. “Hey everyone, sorry if I’m a little late. Han and I took the Falcon up around this lake that has some crazy awesome turns for drifting…” He trails off when he sees Rey’s expression. “I did wear my seatbelt, promise.” He holds both hands up and then leans forward to lightly kiss her forehead.

Ruby coos at Poe from across the table, catching his attention.

“Whoa-ho, and who’s this little guy?” He says motioning to the baby.

Rey watches Rose’s expression looked a bit miffed. “This is Ruby, and _she_ is our sweet little pumpkin.” Rose squishes one of Ruby’s chubby cheeks and Ruby dribbles a bit in excitement.

When Rey looks over at Poe, she’s slightly disappointed to see the look of disinterest on his face.

“Isn’t she adorable?” Rey prompts as Ruby starts to grab at her tiny feet.

Poe kind of makes a half-shrug with his shoulders and says, “hmm.”

It’s weird, the flooding of emotions that hit Rey unawares. The sudden realization that she and Poe never really talked about marriage or kids or a family or the future makes her feel unbalanced. Back in Arizona the thought hadn’t really crossed Rey’s mind, but deep down she always knew she wanted to have a family someday. Naively she had assumed that whoever she was with would want the same thing. It was a sharp smack to the face to realize that she never actually _talked_ to Poe about any of this and that she didn’t know what he wanted in that regard.

“So, are we ready to order?” The waiter comes over and breaks Rey out of her thoughts. She spots Rose looking at her with a funny expression, but she brushes it off.

“Yes, I’m starving. I’d kill for a double cheeseburger, with tomato, no lettuce.” Poe instructs without even looking at the menu. “And I’ll do sweet potato fries instead of regular fries.”

The kid looks away from his notepad and down at Poe. “Uh, we don’t have sweet potato fries.”

Poe looks at the waiter a little in disbelief. Rey can see the gears turning in his head wondering, _where the hell are we?_ Then he just shrugs and says. “Okay, regular fries are good then.”

When their food arrives, Poe doesn’t even touch the fries. Rey asks for a box to-go just on the principle of never wasting food, a habit of hers born out of years of a deprived childhood.

Rose makes her promise to visit her at the shop at least twice more before they leave for Boston.

The drive back to the house is ridden in silence. A million thoughts running through Rey’s mind as Poe nods his head along to the radio obliviously.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [queue Ben Solo needs a hug...]

The next time Rey see’s Ben is the next day at what is to become another _eventful_ evening.

They’re about to sit down when they arrive in the dining room. Ben had told Leia they wouldn’t be joining, choosing to go to a Michelin recommended place the next town over. So, when they show up, Bazine—as she later introduced herself at breakfast the morning after they first arrived—is dressed in some skimpy backless (and debatably frontless) dress that Rey can only imagine someone might wear to a nightclub in Miami. Ben simply barks at one of Leia’s service maids to set two more places at the table.

It sets the mood for the entire evening.

And this time, Rey notices the obnoxious rock on Bazine’s finger as it shines at her ostentatiously across the table.

The meal is not wholly unpleasant by any means, but it feels like most of the people in the room are sitting on airbags and any wrong word will send them flying through the roof.

Luke is sitting at the opposite head of the table, drinking scotch, not wine. Leia’s on her third glass by the time the salad course is finished. No one is speaking to each other.

Rey definitely wishes they had gone to Rose and Finn’s for dinner.

Ben cuts into his stake rather aggressively, scraping his steak knife against the china like he’s trying to saw the plate in half when Bazine leans over the table, eighty percent of her breasts now exposed.

Rey looks over at Poe and feels slightly uncomfortable when she notices what he’s staring at. I mean she gets it, it’s _breasts_ , but he could have a little more self-restraint.

“Mrs. Solo, I heard there’s a Sotherby’s auction this Saturday at Canto Bight. I would love to have your opinion on this 48-piece Limoges Luncheon Service set. I think it would look perfect with the French Provincial Style dinner table I’m purchasing from the antique shop in town. Our new condo could really use your sophisticated touch.”

Ben stabs at a piece of his steak loudly, the prongs of his fork grate against the china.

Rey watches Leia take a generous sip of wine. “I’m sure it could benefit from a sophisticated touch. Lord knows it must need it.”

Rey almost chokes on her own bite of steak. She looks over at Bazine, who is smiling almost saccharinely at Leia.

They really should have gone to Rose and Finn’s.

“Baz was only trying to be polite, mom.” Ben cuts in, his tone holding its usual scorn.

“By all means, keep trying.” Leia proclaims.

Poe whistles lowly and Han cracks a smile as he takes a bite of potatoes. Rey takes a generous sip from her glass.

Maybe it was in response to Poe, but Ben suddenly turns his attention to the two of them. His eyes hone in to what must be Poe’s arm around the back of her chair. The glass is still at Rey’s lips and she takes another big gulp. Nothing good can come from the expression Ben is giving them.

This can’t be good.

His eyes narrow on the both of them, or possibly just Rey. “Like _you_ know anything about class.” He directs at her.

Rey would just like to know what she has to do with any of this, other than being an unfortunate and unlucky bystander.

“I never said I did.” She deflects, hoping beyond hope that the attention can turn to anyone other than herself.

Luke is the one to interject, however his words do not have the intention to sway the conversation away from Rey like she would have liked. “Rey, is far more of a responsible, level-headed adult than you will _ever_ be.” He says the words over the top of his glass, downing the rest of the scotch. “She at least understands the importance of honor and respect.”

_Oh, no Luke, no…_ Rey swivels her head to Ben, already knowing that they’re in for it now.

Ben quietly takes a sip of his own scotch, seeming to let the alcohol swirl around his mouth before swallowing. Rey watches his Adams apple gulp it down, wondering if the burn of it scalds him.

He laughs then, silently, but it’s there on his face. His piercing eyes flit up to her horror-stricken ones.

“Respect.” He chuckles the word like it’s an old inside joke. “Sure, the pathetic orphan you picked up off the street knows _all_ about respect. She knows exactly how to be your perfect little puppet, lest she be afraid of getting thrown out with the rest of the trash.”

“What is your problem, man?” It’s Poe’s enraged voice that rings over the gasps and exclamations of the older adults at the table.

In a weird, and messed up way, Rey knows she deserves this. She can see all the undertones in his expression saying as much. She can’t even fault him too much for it. Ten years have passed without any closure, and maybe now he is finally getting it.

Luke only chuckles and stands from the table. He then points his finger viciously at his nephew. “Despite all your awards, and all your money, and all your ‘success’, _you_ will always be lost. You can blame all of us all you want, and maybe I did fail you as an uncle when you were a kid, but despite it all—you will forever be your own worst enemy…. And I just _pity_ you and your whole entire existence!” Luke’s voice has risen to a higher decibel with each word that comes out of his mouth. Rey can smell the alcohol from his breath from where she sits.

This is not going to end well.

Ben stands up from the table as well. “I don’t know why I even try with you people.” He spits. His haggard expression turns to his mother. “ _You_ , are the one who always asked me to come home, to come back. Well, here I am!” Ben opens his arms wide sardonically. “Here I am mom, isn’t this what you wanted? I even came back with a fiancé, but it’s still not good enough for you.”

Leia shakes her head. The despair is evident on her face. “Not like this, Ben. Not like this…”

Ben laughs, and it sounds maniacal. “Well fuck you then. Fuck all of you. I never fit the image you had in your heads, whatever fucked up expectation you had that was fucking _IMPOSSIBLE_ to live up to!” He’s screaming now, and Rey looks at Bazine and the startled expression on her face. She looks as if she’s never seen this side of Ben before.

Maybe she hasn’t.

Rey looks back to Ben and she’s startled to see his attention now trained on her. She can’t read his expression, but through the fury she thinks she sees pain. She briefly wonders if she had a hand in turning him into…this. This monster, who only knew disappointment and defeat and who only knew how to deal with it by destroying any relationship he’s ever had.

Even though she was the one to destroy theirs first.

Ben is breathing rapidly, his shoulders rising and falling in quick procession. “It is what it is.” He mutters, but the reproachful tone is still there. His eyes remain on hers, pulling her under and drowning her. “You have your perfect offspring, right? I’ll just get the fuck out then.”

He walks out of the room without even acknowledging his fiancé. Bazine awkwardly rises from the table, her face flushed, and quickly follows him.

Rey looks around the room. Leia’s head has dropped into her hands, maybe she is crying but Rey can’t tell. Han has a resigned expression on his face and with a shrug he just reaches for his own scotch. When Rey looks at Luke, her eyes meet his stare. His eyes are wide, his chin rests on his left arm that’s perched on the arm rest of is chair. The knowing look he gives her, it makes her want to turn away, to curl in on herself and forget this evening entirely.

The burden of their secret weighs heavy on her. And as she stares back at her guardian, she _knows_ that he knows. They share an understanding, an understanding of Ben. And Luke just shakes his head sadly at her in resignation, sighing loudly. Rey’s stomach drops and she feels the weight of her guilt crushing her, suffocating her.

Rey thinks she will always feel the guilt of her decision of unknowingly destroying Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [self-righteous Luke always felt very on brand to me, whether it's in an AU or canon]
> 
> [Also... I don't actually know much about antiques but here I am using it as one of my big plot devices]


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [When I wrote these characters, I think they borderline* on canon. I think about Rey and her baggage of being alone for so long and her trauma and how she handles her relationships because of that. Ben in the same way, even if it’s on the other side of the spectrum. It can still have its caveats. I hope you don’t think too harshly of them. But I do like to twist the knife quiiite a bit.]

Han takes Poe on another road excursion with one of his other sports cars. Rey decides to visit Rose and Ruby at the shop before lunch. She’s grateful for some time to herself and with her old friends. After what happened at dinner last night, Rey just needed a breather from the chaos.

She walks into Tico’s Antiques, the bell chimes announcing her arrival. She walks to the back to the shop and is about to call out to Rose when she stops short.

She notices Ruby first as she rounds a big armoire that blocks the counter from view. Ruby looks at her and gurgles happily. Why Rey is so shocked is because Ruby is being held by a tall stranger.

A tall stranger that looks oddly like Ben Solo.

He glances back at her, and upon recognizing who she was he turns to face her sharply, jostling Ruby a bit. The baby seems unperturbed, unlike the man holding her.

“Uh, Rose told me to hold her if she started to cry. I assumed she said it as a joke though.” Ben bumps the baby in his left arm to get a better hold of her. “Her cries are annoyingly loud.” He finishes, as if that was reason enough to explain himself.

Rey is still shocked to be seeing him at all. Her mind finally comes back to her when Ruby holds out her fist towards Rey and reaches.

Ben looks adorably awkward, like he’s never held a baby before. Rey assumes he probably hasn’t. She motions to him to hand her over. When he does, Rey feels a weird, yet heady emotion run through her at the odd domesticity of the action. It’s also the most amicable interaction they’ve had since they were teenagers.

Rey feels her heart explode when Ruby snuggles into her chest. Damn did this kid have trust. She smiles down at the snuggly baby and the feeling comes easier than breathing, and she vows to make sure this kid knows how loved she is, no matter what.

She chances a glance back up at Ben and notices how he quickly turns his head away, coughing a few times. He looks around the shop, anywhere but at her.

It feels awkward now, the silence stretches between them.

“So, buying some furniture?” Rey cringes at how awkward she sounds, at how awkward she feels.

Ben shrugs. “Baz wanted the French Provincial dining set.” He says it factually, like she should remember because they literally talked about it yesterday, before the screaming match. “And you? Are you taking up babysitting for more money?” She assumes he says it to insult her, but she learned long ago to not let Ben’s somewhat pathetic excuses for deflection get to her.

“Rose wanted me to come by a few more times before I head to Boston and spend time with my God daughter.” Rey distracts herself with Ruby, who was softly beating her little fists against Rey’s chest, mumbling nonsensical baby talk.

The silence is deafening between them. Rey wonders what is taking Rose so long. She’s starting to feel strangely obligated to explain…everything to him, right now. Rey thinks she probably won’t get another chance otherwise.

“I know you probably don’t care to hear this…” Rey isn’t sure why she’s if _now_ is the right time to do this. If anything, she thinks it might be her _only_ opportunity to do this. “I-I wanted to apologize, for what happened back in high school—I know it doesn’t nearly make up for what I did, but I just… wanted you to know that I’m sorry—that I wish it had gone differently.”

“It doesn’t.” He says immediately, and Rey glances at him while hoisting Ruby back further up her chest. “Make up for it.” He adds when he sees her confused expression. He seems to be thinking about his next words, chewing his bottom lip vigorously. “Ah, fuck… what do you mean you wish it had gone differently? It seems like you were very confident in your intentions.”

He looks as confused as Rey feels. Why did she say that? What other way could it have gone other than them continuing a secret relationship. “I just, I know now I should have ended it differently.”

Now he looks pissed, but he hides it almost immediately under a haughty expression. “But you were going to end it anyway.” He doesn’t ask it as a question, rather says it as a statement. His eyes pierce her. “You’re right, I don’t actually care to talk about something that hardly matters—never mattered at all—ten years later. You were nothing but a fuck to me then, and you’re less than nothing to me now.”

It stings way more than it should. Rey isn’t able to process the words or a response in time before the back-door swings open.

“So sorry to keep you waiting, but I did check with the warehouse storage and the other four chairs are there.” Rose comes through the back and stops short when she sees Ben and Rey. “Oh.” She says as she observes them.

Ben doesn’t give her another moment to think of something else to say. “Just let me know when they’re here and I’ll give them a once over before we confirm the purchase.” He throws a business card down on the counter. “So you know where to reach me.” Then without looking at Rey he turns and leaves the shop. The bell dings in his wake.

Rey looks at Rose, who is looking at Rey with wide eyes. “Okay… _what_ did I miss?”

Rey looks down at Ruby. “Nothing, I just ran into him waiting here for you.”

“So, he didn’t try to strangle you where you stood—ah I see, that’s why you’re holding the baby.” Rose surmises, like she discovered the answer to her own question. “It was just a weird vibe in here when I walked in, is all, very weird juju feelings all around.” Rose had her hands out beside her while looking around the room like she expected a ghost to appear.

Rey shrugs. “I mean we did have a very disgruntled family…discussion last night that led to him walking out at dinner.”

Rose eyes bugged out. “What? Do tell! Was it something the super model fiancé did?”

Rey instantly regrets saying anything, but Rose was always oddly suspicious of her relationship with Ben, especially back in high school. Rey used the guise of joining the chess team as her reason for not being around so often the second half of sophomore year. She always felt like Rose never bought that excuse.

“I mean… it started with that, yes.”

Rose takes Ruby from Rey and sets her in her pram. “Oh my god, tell me the whole story. Was Leia involved? I bet she had some knockout things to say. I bet she ate that leggy brunette for breakfast.”

_Oh boy,_ Rey sighs internally.

* * *

“Rey, I’m so sorry. I’m sure you had more relaxing things you wanted to do other than watch the shop for half of your Thursday. Finn just got a huge contract gig literally last night, and I have to take Ruby to her check-up.” Rose is running all around the back room of the shop. Rey holds Ruby and they both watch Rose flitter about.

“It’s fine, it’ll actually be nice to have some time to myself.”

Rose’s head pops out from the back room. A knowing look on her face. “Oh, I am _sure_ it is. Though, I’d rather you be were all the action is, your family is way too interesting.”

While Rey can’t argue, she does wish it was all slightly less interesting.

“Okay, we’re ready.” Rose says, a big tote bag slung over one shoulder as she reaches for Ruby. “Thursdays are normally pretty dead, even in the summer, but you have the books and you can always call me if you need.”

Rey nods. “Go, I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Rose was right, no one came in the first hour or so. A few tourists traveling up to Maine stopped in, but other than that it was pretty much dead. Rey is looking up the MIT housing offerings with immediate move in dates when the bell dings.

She waits for the customer to round the big armoire and into her view before she greets them. Her greeting dies in her throat though when she sees who it is.

Ben stands there before her, a slight frown on his face.

Rey is shocked to see him. He and Bazine were not at dinner last night, much to everyone’s relief. She figured they left the house and were staying somewhere else. She didn’t except to see Ben at all after yesterday.

And now he is standing three feet away from her and they are completely alone. Something about the situation alarms Rey.

“Uh, hi.” She straightens up, her elbows have indents from where they were perched on the counter. “I don’t think those chairs have come in yet.” She says, remembering why he was there yesterday.

Ben sighs, looking slightly aggravated. Rey feels a little baffled at to what she could have possibly done now to annoy him. If anything, _he_ is the one who keeps showing up and annoying everyone else!

“I’m looking for a serving cabinet that would go with the table.” He says blandly, his head motions towards where Rey presumes the table he’s buying is. She stares at him blankly. Surely, he didn’t want _her_ help to find said serving cabinet. Also, what the hell even was a serving cabinet?

“Okay.” She says, completely unsure what to do next.

Ben just scowls. “You are a person, with an opinion, aren’t you?”

Rey feels annoyance bubble up in her chest. Not sure what it is that makes her want to participate in his weird little game, but she chalks it up to wanting to one-up him in grand ass-hattery.

“Okay, sure.” She says as she hops off the stool. She walks over to a red oak cabinet thing. Upon closer look it has a few scratches and has an obnoxious floral detailing on the doors. It’s possibly extremely ugly depending on who the customer was. It certainly did not seem like it would be Ben’s taste, but it could possibly be a server—Rey feels a little devilish and gestures to it. “Here you have a red colored wood cabinet. Very nice with these ornate…detailing’s” She opens the two doors at the top. “Oh and look, there’s cabinet space probably good for serving.” She closes the doors and pulls open the drawers. “These seem to work.” She turns to him expectantly. “So, what do you think?”

Ben just stares at her. “You’re an awful sales person.”

“Not planning to quit my day job, so good to know.”

Ben looks around at nothing. “I’m looking for something more…black in color.”

_Like your soul?_ Rey grumbles to herself looking around the store.

This is weird, this whole thing is just too weird. Two days ago, Ben was looking at her like she murdered his pet baby rabbit, that she strangled it with her bare hands right in front of him. Now he is just toying with her, maybe it is his way of vengeance. How much vengeance until it was enough?

Rey spots a black end-table looking thing. She walks over to it. “Here, this is black and it’s a table. You could probably serve some things on it.”

Ben looks down at the table with such a degrading expression that Rey is about ready to throttle him.

“And what could I possibly serve on this thing?”

Rey is done playing the game. “Oh, I don’t know Ben, maybe your god-damned severed head for all I care!” She lets out a grunt of frustration. “What the hell are you even doing here? You literally make everyone’s life so unbelievingly fucking miserable. You have been _so_ rude to your mum, I just—just why Ben, why? I tried to apologize yesterday for what happened ten years ago because it seemed like that was the big elephant in the room that wouldn’t allow us to have even one peaceful conversation together. But now I just don’t know. I have no idea what to do, or what to say to make any of it any better! If you’re done with us, then fine, you’re done with us! But…you just keep _unraveling_ every family relationship around you. Can’t you see the suffering it’s causing?”

Ben looks absolutely incensed. “Suffering? You think you know anything about fucking suffering?” He laughs without humor. “You don’t, Rey, you really fucking don’t.” He slams his fist against an open cabinet door beside him. Rey jumps at the sound, at the memory of slamming doors.

Ben is panting heavily now. His chest is heaving with each breath he takes. “Suffering,” he spits the word, “Suffering is thinking you’re in love with someone, that finally, you found someone who somehow fucking understands you, and then waking up one morning to find out that person didn’t even _like_ you, didn’t even want to fucking know you. All of a sudden, that person is sitting on some other fucking pricks lap when just three days before that she was fucking your fucking brains out. Rey, the fuck you know about fucking suffering!” He screams so loud Rey can swear she hears it reverberating through the glassware behind her.

“You were the one who was always afraid of being left behind, of having no one, but I was there. I was fucking there and I would have been through _anything_. Fuck my parents and my uncle and anyone who said our relationship was fucked up. You never would have had to worry about me leaving you, because I _never_ would have. You were used to being no one, to being deserted, but _so was I._ That family you so desperately wanted? You thought you needed that in the form of some fucked up adults that never even understood what love was. People who were so ready to just—give up on their own kid and try and start over with a new one. I didn’t have _anyone,_ just like you. And to me… to me you were fucking everything.”

Rey’s vision blurs as she processes his words. When she tries to blink the tears away and she can see clearly again, she sees those same tears on his face.

Ben heaves in a shuddering breath. “You were everything and…” He whispers it now, his voice hoarse as he struggles to even out his breathing.

“You were everything to me… and even when I try to fucking fight it, to forget you, I can’t. You still are…everything that I want.”

There’s so much to process, so much to comprehend, but she’s not given any time to really dwell on it because Ben pulls her into his arms and his mouth crushes down on hers.

She thinks, when her mind comes to, that the bubbling feelings of anxiety at everything he just said have started to dissipate. It’s a slow process for her conscious, but her body seems to be taking over for her. Her hands slide up along where he holds her neck and then drag down his arms. She feels the strength of his biceps that he didn’t have when they were teenagers and her hands continue to explore up to his broad shoulders before wrapping around behind him and pulling him closer.

Thoughts like _belong,_ and _right_ and _Ben_ float around her and a calmness washes over her as he wraps his arms around her back, pulling her as close to his body as he can.

Ben groans into her mouth and Rey feels that groan shoot straight to her cunt.

_Oh god._

He feels the urgency in her kiss and his hands move lower down to her ass as he hoists her up before placing her down on top of the black end-table. It’s tall enough that Rey only has to stretch her neck slightly up to meet his lips.

Her hands reach for his waist, and she’s not sure what they’re looking for, but she feels the indentation of abs against her palms and she gasps.

Ben takes the opportunity of her open mouth to slip his tongue inside. His own hands brush against the hem of her t-shirt and he slowly pushes it upwards. Rey lifts her arms so he can lift the shirt over her head. It’s barely off when Rey reaches forward again to bring his mouth back to hers. Her hands shoot to the button at his jeans and Ben groans.

“ _Fuck, Rey_.” He says as her fingers graze his fully erect cock. He glances down at her hand and where she’s seated. “I think I found another good use for this table.”

“Shut up.” She mutters against his lips as she goes to unbutton his pants.

The _ding_ of the doorbell signaling an incoming customer makes them both freeze.

“Oh, Agatha, isn’t this a lovely shop.” A voice exclaims from the entrance.

They stare at each other for two long seconds before they break apart. Rey hastily grapples with her t-shirt, trying in a panic to get it right side out before pulling it back on over her head. She looks at Ben then, and he’s looking at her with an expression that is absolutely _sinful_. He’s staring at her now covered chest, his own chest still heaving.

They look like they were about to fuck.

Rey looks back over at the red cabinet then back at Ben. “Help me with this.” She whispers and he looks at her confused. Rey rolls her eyes and rushes over to the cabinet and pretends to reach down and move it. Ben catches on right at the last second.

The new customer, Agatha, or whoever had addressed her rounds the big armoire that puts them into view. “Oh, hello! Do you own this shop?” She looks expectantly at them. “Heavens, that must be heavy.” She says as she observes their sweaty bent down forms.

Rey stands up and straightens her clothes. “Hi, sorry about that. I am actually watching the store for my friend Rose Tico. She owns this place. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help with.”

The older woman smiles warmly. “Why another Brit to be found! We've come from Bibury, you see. A very long ways away. Judith and I just love visiting these little antique shops.” She glances down at Ben who is still crouched over.

His lips turn up into a strained smile but he stays hunched over.

“Are you alright there, young man?” Agatha asks.

Ben just nods tightly. “Uh, yep, we were just in the middle of moving this cabinet.” He says, still awkwardly squatting on the ground.

“Oh, well don’t let me keep you. We will just have a look around.” Agatha turns away and back around the large armoire.

Rey looks down at Ben. “You okay there, _young man?_ ” She asks and she’s on the verge of laughing out loud.

Ben glares up at her. “I just need…a minute.”

The realization of what they had just done, of what they almost had gotten caught doing finally sinks in. The smile on her face falls completely off and is replaced by a look of horror. She watches Ben comprehend her panic, watches him slowly shake his head at her.

“Rey…”

“No—I” She takes a deep breath, trying to collect herself. “I’m so sorry.” She whispers. What was wrong with her? “I shouldn’t have done that. I—you have a _fiancé_ and I—oh _god_ Poe.” She might be on the verge of a panic attack. She thinks she’s going to be sick.

Ben stands up then, his er, problem, clearly no longer an issue. He holds his hands out in front of him, towards Rey, as if he were approaching a wounded animal. “It’s okay, Rey.”

“But Bazine… and the table…”

“I don’t give a fuck about either of those things.” He says quickly.

_Well, okay then._

Rey takes a moment to process that. “Then why the fuck are you with her?” She keeps her tone hushed, hopeful that Agatha and Judith are preoccupied with any ancient artifact they can find up front.

Ben shrugs and looks thoughtful for a second. “I don’t know, I wanted to make you jealous and she was just…there.”

Now Rey is convinced she must be in some wild fever dream. “You told a girl you wanted to _marry_ her, just to make me jealous?”

Ben rolls his eyes. “I mean, there were a few other reasons why. She’s so annoying, she would drive anyone crazy, especially my mother.”

“Shh!” Rey hushes. His voice had started to rise to a normal level. Rey can’t believe what she’s hearing. “ _Okay, wait what?!_ That is…this is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever heard.” She meets his eyes then, and she feels her heart shoot up to her throat. He’s looking at her like a kid that got caught with their hand in the candy jar. “You—is that why you’re here? How did you know I was moving back?”

Ben looks sheepish then. “Your boyfriend posted about the move on Instagram, he’s a huge dickhead, by the way.”

Rey could argue that by that reasoning, Ben should not feel like he has a strong leg to stand on. “Wait, you keep tabs of Poe on Instagram? And then you decided to get a fake fiancé and fly across the country, disrupt your whole family, and for what, to then make a pass at me at a furniture store?” Rey’s hands move from her hips to her temples. She was starting to get a headache.

“Baz doesn’t think she’s a fake fiancé. And before you start getting so many crazy ideas, I had no idea you would be at my parents’ house.” They both hear the bell _ding_ again and Rey looks around the armoire to see Agatha and Judith have left.

Rey turns around and stares at him. “And you think it’s better that Bazine thinks she’s your _real_ fiancé? Jesus Ben, so what was your plan?”

Ben is starting to look aggravated by her questioning. “Fuck, I don’t know Rey okay? It was obviously a shit idea.” He runs his hand through his hair and god dammit Rey’s whole body reacts to him. “But I just, everything was shit, okay? I had a successful tech start up under my belt with First Order, I got a shit ton of fucking awards I don’t even know what they’re for, I had fucking super models wanting to fuck me and—and despite all of that _nothing_ felt fucking right!”

Rey pauses, considering his words. “And you thought rekindling a fucked-up relationship with me was?”

Ben shakes his head. “No, no, _no_ not fucked. I—I _know_ you feel it too. This, us… aside from some stupid label, there is nothing wrong about us—nothing.” He says it with so much conviction Rey almost wants to believe him.

She looks up startled as he now stands inches away from her. “Ben…”

“Ten years and I’ve never been able to get you out of my head. When I found out you were moving home, I just knew. You’re it, Rey. After everything… let the past die. I did.” His hands tentatively lift and wrap around her shoulders. He's pleading with her now and the look in his eyes is making her melt.

Her lip trembles. “If you actually did let the past die, then you would have been able to get over me ages ago.” She wishes the thought didn’t churn her insides. She shouldn’t want any part of him.

She’s beginning to realize she wants all of him, and like him, she might have always wanted him and it terrifies her.

“Rey just—”

“I can’t.”

“Rey—”

“No, Ben I can’t. I—I’m happy with Poe and we just can’t.” She pushes his hands off her.

Ben just stares at her, exhaling deeply through his nose. He doesn’t move away from her. Rey doesn’t understand why she has to force herself away from him. It shouldn’t be this difficult.

“Rey—”

“Can you please, just—” Rey feels her breath catch and she hates herself for it. “Please, just leave.” She turns away from him and walks behind the counter, busying herself by opening up one of Rose’s inventory books. She feels his presence still standing there. She feels moisture begin to gather at the corners of her eyes. She takes a hand and hastily rubs them away. Only then does she hear his steps retreat.

The deafening _ding_ of the doorbell echoes through the now empty shop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [oh Agatha and Judith... When I wrote them, I envisioned them as the Two Fat Lady's - one of the best cooking shows in my op]


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Methinks the angst might be too much...but it is written]  
> [Maybe the eventual fluff will be that much more powerful because of it?]

With all the circulating drama that was Ben and his fiancé torpedoing into her home, Leia had completely forgotten she was throwing an event at the house for Snap Wexley, the new hopeful candidate as Mayor of Takodana.

At breakfast Friday morning, Leia breezes into the sun room. “Now, no one get too excited. Tomorrow I’m throwing the first fundraising event for Snap Wexley’s Mayoral announcement here at the house. I did forget, but that’s not what’s important. Han, you better not be snickering behind that newspaper!” Rey’s eyes glance over at Han, his hands that were holding the Takodano Sun were shaking slightly.

Luke looks over the rim of his espresso cup. “And what do _we_ have to do with all of this?”

“Well you better not be lounging around in your bathrobe that’s what!” Leia scowls as she shoots a pointed look at her brother. She sighs as she sits down at the table. “No one’s heard from Ben or that _woman,_ have they?” She mentions it nonchalantly as she adds sugar to her tea.

Rey feels her face burn at the mention of Ben.

“Rey, what’s the matter with you, you look feverish.” Leia prods and Rey’s eyes jump up to meet hers.

“Oh uh, I think I ate something funny last night…”

_Yeah, Ben Solo’s face._ Rey wills her conscious to keep quiet.

Leia sighs. “I just _know_ Moira Eisley will have a lot of opinions and I _don’t_ want to discuss with them her.”

“Honey, she’s going to be our future daughter-in-law, you better get used to it.” Han smirks from across the table, his newspaper now folded in half so everyone can see his expression.

Leia looks perturbed as she considers something. “I don’t even care about it being a ‘scandal’ or what have you, just being in her presence or hearing her talk is just so _dreadful_.”

They are interrupted by one of the serving maids entering the room. “Ma’am, the florist has arrived.”

Leia gets up from her chair and throws her hands slightly in the air. “Maybe if we bring out the Moriage vase’s her gold-digging hands will be so distracted by them she won’t be able to speak to anyone!” There’s an excited tinge to her voice as she says it.

Rey meets Han’s eyes from across the table and they share an amused look.

“Don’t forget those little figurine things, maybe she’ll go as far as to put one in her pocket!” Han calls after his wife.

Rey shakes her head. “You are both terrible.”

Han shrugs.

“Gotta liven up the place, you know?” He winks.

* * *

Snap Wexley might possibly be the coolest mayoral candidate Rey has ever met, and at this point—and with this family—she’s met a few.

Many of the people Rey talks to feel like a breath of fresh air compared to the usual crowd that attended Leia’s political gatherings. It’s possible she made a new friend too by the name of Kaydel Ko Connix. Kaydel was one of Leia’s staff members for her communications team and boy did she know how to cut down a sexist comment right in its tracks.

Rey grabs another glass of champagne from a passing tray, downing half the glass immediately. She’s leaning against the archway of the dining room when she feels a presence behind her. And she just _knows_ it’s him.

“Rey, can I talk to you for a minute?”

She doesn’t turn around to look at him, just continues to take long sips of her champagne.

“Bazine and I, we’re done. I called it off.” His fingertips lightly graze the back of her arm. Rey downs her champagne. “Rey—” She doesn’t hear the rest of what he has to say as she pushes off the doorframe and crosses the room into the library. Her hands are shaking as she walks away from him. It just feels like _too_ much right now. A day ago, Ben was engaged and Rey had a boyfriend and yeah there was tension, but now everything just felt so _upended_.

She finds Poe chatting with an older gentleman, it sounds like they’re talking about race cars. She wonders, offhand, if Poe is capable of talking about anything else. She sidles up against him and his arm comes around her waist.

“Rey, this is Enric Pryde. He runs the formula-e track in Greenwich, Connecticut. I’m thinking of going down there in a few weeks to check out the cars. Maybe e-racing is something I can start dabbling in. I’m really starting to wrap my head around it.”

Rey recalls a very vivid conversation a year or so ago, when Poe was vehement about boycotting e-racing. Something about losing the integrity of a true engine…

“That’s great.” She intones and she accepts a glass of champagne from a passing waiter.

Poe looks at her like he was expecting her to say a bit more.

Enric looks at her. “So, Rey what is it you do?”

“Rey is into robotics, you know, fixing up Roombas and other things.” Poe pipes up teasingly, and Rey looks at him a bit perplexed. Poe has never spoken for her before, or referred to her job, her soon to be managerial position at MIT, as ‘fixing up Roombas.

What the hell.

“It’s actually droid artificial intelligence work.” Rey corrects. “Right now, we’re working on healthcare computer interactions for medical droids.”

Enric’s expression is one of resigned respect. “Well, that sounds like grueling work. You must work very hard to keep up with all those engineers.”

Rey is about to question why he would assume _she_ would have to keep up with anyone when Poe says beside her, “Oh yeah, when we’re living in the apocalypse because the robots have taken over, we’ll know who to thank.” He nudges her with his elbow and Rey looks over to see him smirking at Enric.

She watches as Enric laughs at the joke, because that’s what it was supposed to be right, a joke? Somehow Rey doesn’t find this conversation funny in the least.

This behavior seems unusual to Rey, and definitely uncomfortable. She has an internal moment where she wonders if he’s always been like this, if she always thought his jokey jibes were just funny mouth-offs. She definitely remembers a time when she thought it was cute, and she is struck by the sudden realization that it actually most definitely isn’t.

“I don’t think I understand the joke.” She says and she smiles while she says it but she watches as a look of annoyance flits across Poe’s face.

Poe gives her his classic, ‘ _are you serious?’_ look and Rey realizes now that it’s directed at her, how totally insulting it actually is.

He excuses them both from the conversation, steering her away to a more secluded part of the room. “What’s going on, why are you trying to sabotage my potential partnership with Enric?”

Rey feels her eyes bug out of her head. “Seriously? As opposed to you equating my work to being a Roomba repairman?”

Poe rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think the guy would get what you did, so I tried to explain it in a way he would understand.”

Rey bristles. “You sure that’s not your own understanding of what my job is?”

Poe recoils slightly and he looks at her confused. “Wait, why are we fighting right now?

Rey is stunned. “The fact that you don’t know why what you just said was totally out of order... You know what Poe, we aren’t fighting. I’m just coming to the realization that maybe moving here together was not the best idea.”

“Are you trying to break up with me because of the Roomba thing?”

“No, I—I don’t know. I think we should talk about it tomorrow when we haven’t been drinking.” This conversation and all the champagne she consumed is making her feel lightheaded.

Poe downs the rest of his glass, whiskey by the smell of it. “Right, well I’ll just talk to you about it tomorrow then, I guess.” He snips. “I’m going to get another drink.”

Rey suddenly feels all the champagne she consumed bubbling up in her stomach and the feeling makes her nauseous. She walks to one of the bathrooms by Leia’s study, further away from the party. Less guests often wandered to this part of the house and Rey wants to heave in peace.

Once inside she turns the lock and leans her forehead against the door, breathing heavily. Maybe coming back here at all was just a huge mistake.

There’s a knock at the door and Rey jumps back in surprise. “Uh, occupied.” She exclaims, hoping they wouldn’t wait and just go somewhere else.

There’s a knock again and then, “Rey, please…”

_Oh, for the love of—_

Rey unlocks the door with a force she didn’t know was in her and swings it open. She stands in the doorway, not allowing him to enter. “You, you have some _nerve_.” Ben doesn’t wait for her to move, instead he just pushes his way inside. “Hey!”

“I just want to talk to you.” He pleads, and he does look pretty pathetic. That at least has Rey feeling a little bit better.

“You were being such a dick, like the worst kind of person, and then all of a sudden you’re telling me you love me and you broke up with your fiancé just like that? I just—it’s bloody confusing Ben.”

Ben purses his lips. “I know, I was a fucking dick. I wish I could deal with my pain and internalize it better instead of lashing out. I am trying to work on it. I—I want to be different. I want to be a better person. I don’t want to let my shitty childhood and the shitty expectations of my parents define me anymore, I don’t. And I swear Rey, I know I’m going to fuck up, but I’ll prove to you that I can be better.”

Rey shakes her head. “It’s—it’s not just about _you_ , Ben. God, it’s not even just about me. I mean, we’re both pretty fucked up and aside from that—”

Ben holds his hand out in front of her in a ‘pausing’ gesture. “Just tell me, if we weren’t ‘cousins’, if no one cared whether we were together or not, would you be with me?”

“Ben, it’s not about hypotheticals—”

“Would. You. Be. With. Me?” He pleads with her not only with his words, but his eyes. His stare could drill to the very depths of her soul, and infinitely beyond that too.

Rey starts shaking her head, trying to clear the muddled thoughts. “I—”

“It can be as simple as a yes or no answer.” Ben’s voice is barely a murmur, his breath brushes across her face and she closes her eyes to keep herself steady. “You don’t owe them anything. It’s your life. It’s your choice.”

Rey releases a shuddering breath, tries to ease her racing heartbeat. Would she be with him if she didn’t fear losing the only people who ever treated her like family, to the people who rescued her?

Ever since the day she stepped foot in that country club and met the Organa-Solo’s she _knew_ they were going to be her family. Even Ben, who was sullen and hostile and wanted nothing to do with her. She always knew somehow that she was home.

She never expected perfect, and they were far from it, but she was never locked in her room, or told she was worthless, or slapped for saying or doing the ‘wrong’ thing. She _knew_ what terrible was, and her current situation was nowhere near it.

But to choose Ben over that? It was honestly completely terrifying.

Romantic love never looked like how it did with say, Finn and Rose—two people who Rey viewed as being _extremely_ lucky to have found each other.

Rey was never lucky, and she knew she would never end up with a Finn or Rose because she felt like she couldn’t balance that.

But Ben, with his not-so-perfect childhood and his own internal demons, understood her. And even when she got popular in high school and had more friends than she ever thought she would, she still knew what it felt like to be isolated, to feel entirely alone.

And she noticed Ben. And she noticed when he started to notice her too, even though he always shied away from any opportunity to get to know her, even when he reverted back to cruel or deflecting comments. She _knew_ him.

The guilt of what she did to him in high school never left her. Her cowardice that resulted in her own cruelty. Her fear of being alone. Her prideful defense in doing what she thought was _right._ In the end she’d let it control her, she’d let it define her.

Would she be with Ben if their situations were different? Rey never likes to think in hypotheticals because that’s all they ever were.

But Ben, standing in front of her right now and looking at her like _that_ was not a hypothetical. He was real, and that bond she felt from the moment she met him was real.

Maybe she was being given a chance to fix it.

“Ben…”

He inches closer to her. His broad frame encases her against the door.

“Be with me.” His voice trembles. “Please.”

He doesn’t move any closer, they’re probably a hairs length apart now. Rey slowly opens her eyes and lets them travel up the dark blue button down he’s wearing. Button by button her eyes roam until they reach his throat. She watches him swallow. The action alone incapacitates her. As her eyes continue further up to the edge of his chin, the plush softness of his lips, the asymmetrical curve of his nose and finally to the depths of his auburn eyes desperately searching into her own, she feels drugged.

Maybe it’s the alcohol that has her mind in a heady mess, but she’s given up thinking about it anymore. Her hands lift to rest on his shoulders.

He stares at her for a long moment, apparently in disbelief. His expression changes slightly as he takes a trepidatious step closer to her. His body towers over her and he couldn’t be any more in her space if he tried.

She pulls him down to her by the back of his neck and crushes his mouth against hers.

He wastes no time pushing her against the door, pressing his entire body against hers.

Rey moans in his mouth.

When he pulls away to catch his breath, he leans his forehead against hers. “And what about the race rat?” Rey slaps his arm. “I’m not sorry, he’s such a fucking dick.”

Rey pulls back to look at him. His expression is guarded now, and he looks like he’s holding his breath, waiting for her answer.

Rey sighs. “I think we both realized that we might not have been together for the right reasons, and that there were different things we wanted…plus I’m pretty sure he liked your dad more than me.”

An odd laugh-like sound leaves Ben’s lips and he smiles despite the truth of the statement. “That’s a pretty common thing.” He reasons before he leans in to kiss her again.

Something about this kiss, about them, feels different than it ever had before. It feels like the weight of the past has been lifted. The barriers between them are non-existent. Rey feels the freedom of choice flow through her very soul and into his.

Rey thinks she could kiss Ben Solo forever.

But she also thinks she would like to do something else just as much.

Her hands lift to the buttons of his shirt and she hastily works them open as Ben’s mouth devours her. His hands are all over her before they skim up her legs and pull the bottom of her dress up and other her thighs. He lifts her with ease against the door, his hands coming to rest under her ass. He palms each cheek and squeezes _hard_.

Rey squirms as she moans against his mouth, her hands run down his exposed chest and to his jeans. She has his cock in her hand and out of his pants in a matter of seconds.

Ben’s teeth nip at Rey’s bottom lip, pulling it forward slightly and sucking on it. When he releases it, he gasps as she gives his cock a few hurried strokes. “Fuck, I need to be inside you.”

Rey feels his words go straight to her pussy and she knows the dampness there is because of it. She pushes off him quickly and he stumbles back a few steps looking at her haggardly. When her feet are on the ground, she grabs her underwear from underneath her dress and throws them to the ground.

Ben watches her with rapt attention. His eyes zero in on the red knickers on the floor. Distracted by the sight he doesn’t notice that Rey has deftly unzipped her dress and dropped it to the floor. It pools beside the red lace causing Ben’s eyes to shoot up once more.

He looks at her body like a man who has been deprived of water for weeks and finally he has found his oasis.

Rey all but leaps back into his arms, her legs coming to hook around his waist. The glistening wetness of her cunt rubs against the underside of his cock.

“Fuck, Rey. I promise, I promise it’s all going to be different this time.” He vows and he leans her up against the door again. “I’ve always loved you and I never stopped. I’ll never stop.” His kiss has her mind reeling.

One hand roves into his hair, her elbow resting on his shoulder. She uses that arm to leverage her weight a bit higher so she can guide his cock to her center with the other. She’s so wet that he enters her to the hilt the second she drops down.

She watches Ben’s mouth hang open as he bottoms out, his eyes look to where they’re connected. His hands squeeze her hips as he slowly raises her off his cock before slamming her back down.

Rey swears she sees stars.

He starts to build up a rhythm and Rey keens as she bounces, her cunt clenching every other thrust, trying to grip him with all its might. Ben swivels and rests the edge of her ass against the sink basin. The height of it is low enough for him to thrust into her harder than before and hit her in just the _right_ place.

He’s so deep in her now the tip of his cock slots perfectly against her g-spot each time and Rey feels her orgasm edging forward.

“Fuck Ben, I’m close.” She whispers, her hand coming up to pull at his hair.

Ben looks like a man possessed as his right hand comes down between her legs and circles her clit _exactly_ how she likes it. Rey thinks she hasn’t had sex this good since…

Well since the last time she had Ben inside her.

And while Rey doesn’t want to think about how much practice he’s had since her, teenage Ben knew how to fuck her well, but grown-ass sex-on-legs Ben knew how to fucking _destroy_ her.

Her cunt begins to flutter and Rey is about to lose it. “Oh my god, _Ben_.”

He grunts against her ear. His thrusts start to get quicker. “Rey, your cunt feels fucking incredible. It’s better than I fucking remember. Oh fuck, can I come in you?”

Rey knows he’s asking as a genuine thought, but his words send her over the fucking edge and she’s coming so hard her whole body goes rigid. “Ugh, Ben yes. Ah—” She feels his dick pulse inside of her almost immediately, the heat of his come filling her with each spurt. When he finally shudders and stills against her his chin falls against her neck.

“Fuck.” He breathes against her, his lips nibble at the skin behind her ear and he chuckles. “Think the whole party heard us?”

His joke feels like a bucket of ice water is being doused on top of her head. Rey freezes against him. “Oh my god.”

Sensing his humor was not being reciprocated, Ben pulls away from her neck to look at her. “Rey—”

She feels an unsettling clarity, post orgasm, that has her mind running a mile a minute.

Ben looks like she punched him straight in the gut. “Rey, don’t…don’t freak out.”

She pushes him away enough that he ends up pulling out of her. She watches, like a ghost outside of her own body, as his come drips out of her and onto the floor.

Ben watches where her eyes land. “It’s—it’s okay, we can get the morning after pill it’s fine—”

“No, I—I have an IUD, it’s not that.” Rey says as she hops down from the sink and grabs her dress.

Ben is silent for a moment as he watches her slip back into her dress. He stands there still with his pants down around his knees, cock still slightly hard and his shirt half on one arm and completely off the other. “Then what, Rey, what?” He looks panicked now, absolutely terrified.

Rey shrugs her dress up over her shoulders, fumbling with the zipper behind her back. “I don’t _know,_ Ben. I don’t… I think we just need to think about this, about how _this_ would work.”

She tries to scramble her thoughts together. Before she’d decided to jump his bones, hadn’t she decided what to do about the relationship part? It all seems so fuzzy as she tries to recall her reasoning. The sudden panic of how they would actually be a couple is being bombarded with a hundred insecurities.

Rey curses her body and all the bloody champagne.

Ben stares at her, he still hasn’t moved and he’s still standing their cock out. “We just be a couple and if people have a problem with that they can fuck right off.”

Rey finally gets the zipper up and look over at him. “Can you please put your clothes back on?”

He’s deadly silent. And then…

“Do you even want this? Or am I just a good guilty fuck you can’t seem to shake out of your system?” He sounds so young and unsure and completely petrified awaiting her answer.

She looks at him, at his wild eyes. “Yes Ben, I do… I do want you, but I—I just need some time to think about… all of this.” It sounds awful even to her own ears.

Ben does pull his pants up then and tuck himself back inside. “What is there to think about? Rey it’s not going to be the end of the world. My parents aren’t going to hate you. If anything, they’re going to hate me just a little bit more than they already do.”

Rey shakes her head. The weight of a thousand ‘what ifs’ raining down on her. “Please Ben, don’t make me make that choice without at least thinking about it first.”

Ben looks like he’s about to rip his hair out. “How long will it take Rey? How much time do you need? A few days? A week? Years?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Why can’t you just think about what you want. Stop thinking about everyone else! This is your life, _yours!_ What, you think you’ll be happy with polite dinners and boring parties for the rest of your life? Is that what you want? You want to date boring assholes who don’t actually give a shit about you, who just want a fucking seat at the table? _What do you want?”_

Rey lets out a frustrated noise, her hands coming up to her temples. “I don’t know, Ben, I don’t _know,_ okay?” She looks at him standing there with his shirt still a complete mess, his eyes staring holes into her entire being. His ability to see right through her shakes her. She was never able to make choices for herself before the last name Skywalker was stamped to her identity and even then, Rey saw her path solid and clear and under Luke’s guidance it all seemed to make sense.

But then there was Ben, and he never followed a path that was straight or narrow. And Rey supposed there was nothing _wrong_ with that, but she also believed that living like that was living way too close to the edge, too close to failing, too close to having _nothing_.

So what, she found comfort in security. In doing what was safe and what was expected of her as a Skywalker, she found success and opportunity and she was no longer alone. She had a family and friends and she met all of those expectations.

Wasn’t that the right path?

Maybe Ben could read her mind, or, despite their ten-year separation, just know her better than anyone else.

“You can choose _not_ to be a Skywalker. It’s just a name. It’s just an identity…just like Kylo Ren was for me.”

Rey blinks back the tears that have welled in her eyes. She looks away from him and her gaze lands on the sink basin where she’d been perched not five minutes ago, with his cock deep inside her and his promises of love and forever. It all feels like a dream.

“We can just be Ben and Rey. We can be nobody and we can be _happy_.” Any anger or frustration that was in his voice before is gone now and he’s pleading with her.

Rey pushes the heal of her palm against her forehead. She lets out a frustrated growl. “I can’t just drop my whole life and decide to upend it like that! I’m not wired like that Ben! I’m not—I’m not… I care too much, I guess. I don’t know, this isn’t a decision to be _just_ anything for me.” She gasps as she tries to catch her breath. “I can’t just be nobody, I can’t be alone, not again.”

Ben shakes his head. “You wouldn’t be alone you’d be with me.” He says it so quietly, so simply. Like it’s the easiest decision in the world for him.

Rey looks down at the floor, her mind unwilling to make a decision. Her heart too terrified to fight it.

Ben rights his shirt quietly. “I guess that’s not enough.”

When she doesn’t respond he strides past her and roughly opens the bathroom door. Rey’s mouth opens but silence is all it can muster.

She turns and watches his retreating back shove past the door frame and out of sight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Poe may have great qualities, but I mean we’re all human right? Someone can seem great and still have toxic masculinity issues and change out of those ways through self-reflection. Or-they can still be a dick.]
> 
> [Rey has a _lot_ of self-reflection ahead of her.]


	16. Chapter 16

That following morning Rey wakes up on a tear-stained pillow in one of the random guest rooms. She stretches her neck uncomfortably and sits up, looking at the mirror that faces the bed.

She looks like a right mess.

She tip-toes over to the room she shares with Poe, only to find it empty of all his belongings. He didn’t so much as leave a note or a text, nothing.

Rey oddly doesn’t feel upset about it. She doesn’t feel much of anything.

She spends the last few days helping Rose out at her shop, or more like, just sits there and keeps her and Ruby company. Now that Poe was no longer in the picture, finding an apartment had gone down on the list of things Rey felt motivated to do. Hell, she was even resigned to just staying in a hotel when she starts her job at MIT and just deal with her housing debacle later.

She hadn’t seen or heard from Ben since he walked out of the bathroom at Leia’s party. After Rey had, undoubtedly, the best sex of her life. And after Rey had, predictably, fucked with Ben’s emotions for the millionth time.

Luke was able to move back into his house that Sunday and Rey went with him. The kitchen was still completely unusable, but at least the giant hole on the side of the house was patched up.

She didn’t know if Ben was still even in Takodana. Her heart feels heavy when she thinks about their last conversation.

_What do you want?_

Other than wishing she could wake up and somehow not be related to Ben even by proxy, Rey doesn’t think there is anything else she wants. But that’s another one of those stupid hypotheticals.

There would be someone else. Someone who wasn’t volatile and a pariah from their own family. She could fine someone who cared about _her_ and not her last name, someone who _knew_ her and knew what she wanted, who could challenge her and make her laugh.

There would be someone else. There had to be.

Right?

“So, are you sure you’re okay about the breakup?” Rose asks for probably the hundredth time. Rey’s dour mood definitely isn’t helping keep her best friend off her back.

Rey breaks out of her inner thoughts and throws a smile on her face. When she looks up at Rose, she knows she’s transparent. Except, Rose doesn’t know that Rey isn’t in turmoil over Poe, but because someone else just can’t seem to let her mind live in peace.

“Yes, yeah I’m fine. I realized Poe wasn’t right for me. I guess I just have a lot on my mind.”

Rose looks at her with a critical gaze and Rey really wishes she would just let it go.

“Well, Ruby wasn’t a fan, and she has impeccable judgement.”

Rey nods absently as the bell _dings_ announcing a new customer.

Dr. Kanata, who had to be only four and a half feet tall, rounds the large armoire blocking the counter from view of the storefront.

“Welcome to Tico’s Antiques Dr. Kanata.” Rose greets warmly.

Maz Kanata fixes her large spectacles with one hand as she peers up at both women. “Hello ladies,” she greets as she walks closer. “You know, I haven’t been in here in a long, long time. Probably when your mother was sitting behind that counter. Be sure to send her my well wishes.”

Rose nods. “Of course, I’m sure she would be happy to hear from you. Is there anything in particular you’re interested in?”

Maz just hums as she looks around. “You know, I have this awful water stain from a pipe leak a few years ago and I just decided that it was time to cover it up!” The old woman’s gaze lands on something in the far corner. “Hmm, this looks like it could do the trick.”

Rey’s gaze follows where Maz is looking and she feels her heart stop.

It’s the red serving cabinet Rey had shown Ben when he was last in the shop. When they had—ahem—found a certain use for the tall black end-table next to it.

Why did the idea of someone buying that cabinet have Rey suddenly in such a panic?

“How much for it?” Maz asks as she turns back to Rose.

“Oh, that? Hmm, it’s—”

“It’s not for sale actually.” Rey pipes up. She ignores the questioning look Rose shoots her.

Maz turns her gaze to Rey. “Oh, someone has already purchased it then.”

Rose tries to interject. “No—”

“Yes, I’m really sorry Dr. Kanata. But you know, the maple armoire you just passed would probably be a great second option.” Rey doesn’t know why her brain has decided to let her mouth take control of her body, but here we are.

Maz then looks to the big armoire that really is a huge eyesore in the whole shop. She corrects her spectacles again as she peers at it. “Well, alright I think that could do nicely in that room. How much?”

Rose is silent during the whole exchange. She doesn’t say anything as she drafts the paperwork for Maz, as she takes Maz’s check and writes up her receipt. It’s not until they’re exchanging pleasant farewells and the bell _dings_ once more that Rose rounds on Rey.

“Okay… what the _hell_ was that? The hall cabinet is totally for sale. You better spill and it better be the truth.” Rose is staring her down with a look that could probably scare an army into submission.

Rey thinks about why she sabotaged the sale. Normally she would go through an internal excavation as to why she would do anything, but in an odd moment of clarity Rey doesn’t have to think too hard about it.

“I think you should sit down.”

Rose’s eyes widen. “O-kay… should I put the baby in another room?”

Rey looks at her best friend. “She’s not even a year old, she can’t possibly understand a thing you say.”

Rose looks insulted. “Ruby is developed way beyond her months. She probably knows the answer to your problem better than you do.” Rose does pull a stool out from under the counter though and sits. “Honestly, you probably need her input.”

Rey sighs and covers half her face with her right palm. She doesn’t even know where to start.

“The hall cabinet isn’t for sale because I…I want to buy it.”

Rose nods. “Okay…why? You don’t even have an apartment yet, which you should probably get on with speaking of.”

Rey takes a deep breath and stares at the floor before flicking her eyes up at Rose. “I know none of this will really make any sense, but I’ve been a complete idiot and I think I might have fucked everything up.”

Rose looks confused but says, “Explain, but also language.” She reprimands as she nods down at Ruby.

Rey isn’t even sure _how_ to explain. Does she talk about the how, or more specifically the _who_ , or does she go into the psychological why?

She decides to go with the biggest wow factor…

“I—I showed that cabinet to Ben Solo when he came in the other day and we might have almost had sex right next to it on that black table thingy.”

“ _YOU WHAT?”_ Rose screams so loud that Ruby starts to fuss. “Ben So—WHAT!” Rose picks up Ruby and starts to rock her gently. She puts a hand over Ruby’s ear as she presses her closer to her chest. “You need to rewind, you need to—holy fucking futon—I… _you_ … you did _not_ join the chess club, I fucking knew it.” Rose is shaking her head in disbelief. “I fucking knew it, Finn always tried to tell me I was crazy and that I was messed up for thinking it because you two were cousins, but oooh noooo, you were _adopted_ and I just fucking knew it.” Rose looks absolutely incensed.

Despite the fact that Rey is mortified at how transparent she was back then and a little curious to explore Rose’s other furniture idioms, she can only reply with, “language Rose.”

“Oh screw it, Ruby has no idea how to talk yet.” The gears are turning so rapidly in Rose’s head she must be experiencing whiplash. “You’re going to explain in more detail, we’re starting at the beginning, but honey, wow so much makes sense now. Finn owes me like a thousand dollars’ worth of bets.” Rose freezes. “Oh my god, I am a plot device in this crazy-ass rom-com. I’m going to write a movie about you guys and sell it to Netflix.”

“Oh my god Rose.”

“Don’t ‘oh my god Rose’ me! You have _a lot_ of explaining to do ma’am!” Rose hurries to the front and Rey hears the turn of the lock. When she returns to the back, she puts Ruby back in her pram. “And in my screenplay, without a doubt, the audience will know that Maz Kanata is the guardian angel of the story. She’s fucking Clarence, she’s god damn Mr. Bean at the fucking airport and I can’t be convinced otherwise.”


	17. Chapter 17

It’s been a week and Ben has been fucking miserable.

Luke moved back to his house the day after the party for Snap Wexley and he assumed Rey went with him.

He ignored the look his parents shared when he walked by the dining room for breakfast. He knew his mother couldn’t stand Bazine. His selfish intention to bring her there solely to piss everyone off definitely worked as planned.

Even though he stays at the house all week, he avoids everyone in it.

In that week, he doesn’t see or hear a word from Rey.

He keeps trying to convince himself that, out of respect, he should just leave her alone. Out of respect for himself he should really just leave. He knows he should probably just head back to L.A. and tell Snoke the sort of made-up start-up was a bust. He already knows his boss would be more than happy to hear of his failure, to remind him of where he belongs.

Yet every day that he looks up a plane ticket back to California, he can’t seem to get past the search page.

He keeps thinking about what he said to Rey, about how a name is just a name. He obviously has had issues struggling with his own fucking identity. And for once in his life, he doesn’t have to visit Dr. Kanata because he’s being forced to.

Ten years of running from his past, his desperation to build his own future, his failure to find peace. It all stemmed from his need to identify _who_ he was. He always defined himself by who he thought he was supposed to be, and in the end, what was he left with? He was fucking miserable and he was alone. He was caught in a perpetual state of chasing a woman who _didn’t want him_.

He told Maz about all of this, he told her about Rey without really telling her about Rey. He told her about the fucking god-awful red cabinet scenario, and every other interaction he had with her after that—omitting the more sordid details. It didn’t seem to matter though, somehow, she knew, and good thing for doctor patient confidentiality.

Though Ben really doesn’t think it matters anymore. He doesn’t care who knows. It never should have mattered anyway.

And Ben realizes that telling someone, no longer keeping Rey locked away like some shameful secret, was the most liberating feeling in the world. Maz said it was the first step to moving forward.

But here he sits, in Takodana, waiting. Waiting for Rey. Because he has no idea how to move forward without her. The projection of his life just looks like another ten years of only living with half of his soul and it almost feels like it isn’t worth it.

Ben’s phone starts to buzz and he’s pulled out of his inner depression. It’s an unknown number in the area, and for some reason Ben’s heart thumps wildly as he wonders if it’s _her_.

He answers on the second buzz. “Hello?”

“Hello, B—Kylo? Uh, this is Rose Tico of Tico’s Antiques. We also went to high school together—maybe you remember. Anyway...the chairs you ordered have come in from the warehouse so you can come by to look at them now!”

Ben swears, he totally forgot about the stupid fucking antiques. “Yeah, uh I decided I didn’t want them so you can keep the deposit or whatever but I’m not taking them.”

“Oh, okay, well that’s…fine. However, to release the hold on the items I do need you to fill out some paperwork. Are you… still in town? If not, we’d have to mail them to you and I really hope you could sign them right away. I mean, the postal service in this town is terrible, and another buyer did seem interested in the set. It would be pretty disappointing to lose the sale… they are a really rare find…”

_Fuck,_ this was the last thing Ben wanted to do. “Jesus, don’t you have an online form or something.”

“Uh…we’re an old antique shop in Takodana with a wall phone… you know, I have been thinking of starting a website…”

Ben wants to punch a fucking wall. “Okay, fine, _fine_ I’ll be there this afternoon.”

“Oh, that is wonderful—” He hangs up and tosses his phone away from him. He briefly considers buying the chairs just to fucking burn them.

* * *

Ben drives into town and parks in front of Tico’s Antiques. He keeps his shades on when he enters the shop and notices that there is a big _SOLD_ sign taped to the big armoire in the middle of the room. He walks around it to find Rose sitting at the counter.

She perks up when she notices him standing there. “Oh, hi! Great you’re here. Uh, let me just go get the—uh—paper work and you can be on your way.” Rose hops off the stool and runs to the back.

Ben waits a few moments in silence and his gaze drifts to the far corner where the red hall cabinet stands. Another _SOLD_ sign is taped to it and the black end-table. Ben feels oddly bereft as he stares at the sign. Just another reminder of something, _someone_ that was always just out of his reach…

There’s a cough behind the counter and it brings Ben’s attention back to Rose.

Except it’s not Rose.

“Hi.” Rey says quietly as she stands behind the counter. She’s looking up at him with a cautious expression.

Ben pulls his sunglasses off his face hurriedly. “Uh, hi.” His heart is beating so wildly he can hear it in his ears.

Rey is holding a paper in her hands, well more like she’s twisted it so much it’s just a rolled crumpled bit of paper now. Ben watches her nervously twist it.

What does she have to be nervous about?

Ben feels antsy as he waits for her to say something, anything.

When she doesn’t and just stares at him, he motions to the paper. “What’s that?”

Rey looks down at her hands in surprise. “Oh…oops.” She unrolls the yellow paper and tries to smooth it out. “It’s uh… it’s a receipt.”

Ben wonders to himself if he’s supposed to prompt her further when she doesn’t continue.

“A receipt for what?”

Rey jerks her heard over to the corner of the room. “Uh, I bought some furniture.”

His gaze follows where her head bobs and Ben stops breathing. “Why did you buy _that_ furniture?” Are they being Punk’d right now? The mental gymnastics he’s currently experiencing has him dazed.

Rey places the crumpled receipt on the counter. “Ben I—” She walks around the counter so she’s standing in front of him. “Dr. Kanata came in the other day and she wanted to buy the red cabinet and—I don’t know, I don’t know what came over me but I just couldn’t let her buy it. Something in me…something in me stopped her because all I could think is if anyone were to buy that awful eyesore that it should be one of…us. I mean, I guess that was a totally ridiculous thing but—” She stops rambling when Ben closes the distance between them, his eyes burning with an emotion so bright it’s like the sun.

“I don’t…know exactly what you are talking about, but if you’re saying you bought that ugly red cabinet for me…if that’s what you’re saying—”

“Yes, Ben, I—I am. I know I’ve been a bloody awful person to you in the past, and I really don’t think I deserve your forgivene—” He cuts her off with his mouth, because he can’t wait another moment without kissing her. Because this is it, this has to be it. No more back and forth questions of if this is right or not, because it just _is_.

He pulls away and when he looks down at her, she looks as breathless as he feels. “What do you want Rey?” He waits with his heart on his sleeve because grand gestures aside, he doesn’t think he can survive this if she denies him now.

But he’s never felt so sure of what her answer will be until now.

Rey’s bottom lip trembles as she licks her lips. Her eyes search his own but she doesn’t look afraid. She doesn’t look scared anymore.

“I want you Ben Solo. I want this and I want my future to have you in it. And I know it’s ridiculous that it was a bloody piece of furniture that helped me figure it out, but I—I’m no longer terrified of disappointing people, of what they will think, because you were right—I can’t live in the past. I don’t want to.” She says the words as a whisper, her body leaning against his and her hands rest on his chest.

He can tell he’s smiling, at the awkward pull at the edges of his lips. If he wasn’t so incandescently happy, it might have felt uncomfortable.

Rey looks up at that smile and her face shrinks with emotion. “I promise to do everything I can to make you smile like that every day.”

Ben leans down and kisses her again. He swears, as his lips meld against her own, as his heart beats that much harder to be closer to her, that he’s going to prove to her everyday why, together, they’ll be stronger than any force that would try and tear them apart.

Together they’ll just be Ben and Rey.

They both hear a sniffle from behind them. Rey pulls away, much to Ben’s chagrin, and looks behind the counter where Rose is watching teary eyed.

“This is honestly better than any romantic comedy on the market, hands down.” Rose shakes her head, wiping a tear from her cheek.

Rey turns back to him looking amusingly piqued. “I’m _so_ sorry about her.”

Ben looks over at Rose confused. “Just to be clear, there are no release forms for the furniture?”

Rose looks at him blankly before rolling her eyes. “What do you think this is, a Sotherby’s auction?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Grand gestures in the form of ugly, old cabinets. Ah...romance]


	18. Chapter 18

Luke Skywalker races up the drive to the Organa-Solo house. He barely puts the car into park, leaves it still running, as he hastily hobbles up the steps to the side door.

When he enters the dining room Leia and Han are sitting at the table enjoying breakfast.

Han looks up from the Takodana Sun and stares at Luke in the doorway. “Luke, did ya run here pal?”

Luke is holding a piece of paper in his hand. He walks over and sits at the table and requests an espresso _pronto_.

Han and Leia both look expectantly at him. “Well, I see neither of you received a letter.” Luke grumbles as he takes the offered cup and saucer out of the maid’s hand before she can set it on the table. He drinks the whole drink in one shot. “Guess _I’m_ supposed to be the messenger.”

“What are you talking about?” Leia grouses as she takes a sip of her tea.

Luke leans forward and nudges the paper that was in his hand across the table. Leia bemusedly reaches for it. She makes a show of unfurling her reading glasses and putting them on.

“You could just tell us.” Han smirks as he watches his wife’s dramatics.

Luke waves a hand in the air. “Figured you would want to read for yourself.”

There’s silence in the room as Leia reads the letter. Luke looks on waiting for her to get to the _good_ part.

Leia’s expression goes from furrowed brow, to an even more furrowed brow, and then finally to a wide-eyed expression.

“THEY ELOPED?”

Luke holds his hand out, looking bereft. “Leia, you know, I tried to stop it.”

She turns her eagle eyes to him. “You _knew_ about this? How long? They were…” She glances back down at the letter. “This has been going on since _high school_?"

Han’s eyebrows shoot up. “Now this is interesting.”

“Is this why Ben moved away and didn’t speak to us for ten years?!”

Luke now has both hands up. “Hey, now why are you yelling at me? You’re saying you would have been okay with this?”

Leia balks. “Well, it sure would have been a little bit of a scandal...” She seems to be thinking about something very deeply. “The fight…and the suspension. It all makes sense now.”

“So, you’re saying you would have been OKAY with this?”

“Luke, why are you yelling at me?”

“Wha—well, here I thought I was being the sensible adult trying to keep those kids from making a huge mistake, meanwhile you would have been off with the wedding planner the very next day!”

“You know, Ben had a very troubled childhood. Now it’s clear Rey could have really helped him with a lot of that!”

“Or, Ben could have screwed up everything Rey had been working towards!”

As the siblings continue to argue across the table from one another. Han picks up the letter and reads.

When he’s finished, Han rests his chin on the other hand that leans on the armrest of his chair. Chewie pads to him and plops his head heavily on Han’s knee, tail wagging. “Well, ain’t that something.” He grins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Luke and his self-righteous cockblocking smh. Imagine what they could have had! Surely a lot less angst... Luke's intervention almost borderlines the same disastrous miscommunication of Romeo and Juliet--But this time we have a happier ending :)]


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [With all that angst I must finish with a little fluff-smut! Thanks for reading through all this angst and sticking with this if you’ve made it to the end. I appreciate the comments and the kudos! :)]

_One month later_

Rey plops down on the couch they had just pushed into the room. “I think here is good.”

Ben looks down at her with a critical expression. “We barely pushed it ten feet into the apartment. This is a fire hazard.”

Rey just shrugs. “Fine, you can move it then.” Ben leans down and pushes the couch another five feet with Rey still on it. She shrieks and grabs on. “Bloody hell, those felt covers really work. We should probably put this over a carpet.”

Ben walks around to the back of the couch and rests his forearms on it near Rey’s head. He looks ahead and scowls. “Does that _really_ have to be right in the center of the room?”

Rey looks over at where he’s looking. “What? It’s a conversation piece and it’s against the wall, _not_ in the middle of the room!”

“It’s hideous.”

Rey holds her hands out and makes a mock picture frame with her thumb and forefingers. She closes one eye and peers at the wall. The red hall cabinet stands stark against the white wall. “I think it’s perfect. Probably should move the table though.”

Ben hops over the couch and sits down beside her. “I still haven’t rightfully fucked you on that thing yet.” He uses his body weight to push her down onto the couch, his wide frame encases her.

Rey smiles up at him and nudges his nose softly with her own. “I’m not sure if it could withstand it.”

Ben stares down at her. “Are you happy?” He asks quietly.

Rey raises her eyebrows at him. “To no longer be commuting to work from that bloody awful hotel? _Extremely_.” She reaches up and kisses him slowly. Her hand comes around to the back of his neck. Ben’s arms weave beneath her back and he holds her closer to him.

Rey pulls away and lays her head back against the couch cushion. “And what about you, comments…complaints?”

“Uh, yup, several actually.” Rey smacks his arms. “We should definitely hire Rose as an interior decorator.”

“Oh no, she would love that.” Rey pauses and looks thoughtful. “You know, your mum actually mentioned that she wanted to help with some of that as well. Only if you were okay with it though.”

Ben rises further up on his forearms. “Uh, okay.”

A look of surprise flashes across her face. “Okay?”

He’s interrupted by the buzz of Rey’s phone. She wiggles under him as she fishes it out of her back pocket. Her eyes squint as her phone buzzes again.

Rey sighs dramatically. “Oh bollocks.”

Ben dips his nose into her neck and nuzzles. “What?” He mumbles against her skin.

Rey reads the text aloud. “From Rose: I wrote the screenplay. You can read it and you can comment, but I’m not making any promises that any of your edits are making the cut. She’s got to be joking.”

Ben’s hands slide down to her hips, his thumbs hook into her jeans.

The phone buzzes again. Rey curses. “ _Oh GOD_.” She’s about to fling the phone across the floor when Ben catches it. Both of her hands are covering her face as it flushes red.

Ben holds the phone up and looks at the text. “Does Ben have a big cock—well, I guess our film is going to be rated TV-MA—or just be porn.” He laughs as Rey groans and pinches his side. “Hey!” He throws the phone behind him on the couch.

He presses more of his weight onto her and she sinks further into the couch. His hips thrust into hers and Rey moans as his erection throbs between her legs.

“So, what’s the verdict?” He grates lowly. His hips start to slowly undulate into hers.

Rey looks up with half-lidded eyes. “Huh?”

Ben leans his head lower towards Rey’s, his lips ghost across hers. “My cock, does it feel big enough for you?” He asks as he purposefully thrusts his erection against her clit.

“Mhmph…” Is what Rey can muster before her hands are hastily undoing his pants.

Ben tugs hers down with her underwear without unbuttoning them. Bless stretch denim.

He’s thrusting inside her before Rey can get her pants off both legs. The one that’s free hugs his hip while the other hangs off the side of the couch. The leg of her jeans hangs limply to the ground, caught on her ankle. Rey clearly couldn’t give a shit though.

Ben bites into her neck as his hand comes up to push the leg that’s around his hip up and over his shoulder. Rey keens beneath him and her cunt struggles to clench around him.

His thrusts increase in speed as he stretches her in this new angle. Rey’s hands come up and weave through his hair. She pulls hard enough so that his mouth is off her neck and he’s staring down at her.

She looks at him with reverence as she tries to catch her breath. “Your cock—” she pants, “is _huge_.” She closes her eyes when he drives into her so hard that he rubs her g-spot. “OH _God_ , your cock is so big.”

Ben starts to pant above her and his hand comes down to swirl around her clit. “Yeah, baby?” He asks as he watches her back start to arch with each drag of this thumb. “Do you want to come on this big cock?”

Rey squeezes him _hard_ and Ben is about to lose it. He sits up so he’s in a kneeling position and he starts pounding into her cunt.

“Come on baby, come for me.” He groans and after a few more hard thrusts he starts to feel her pussy throb around him. “F-fuck.” His breath catches as he comes, continuing to thrust in her as her orgasm milks the come out of him.

He stills above her and slowly lowers down back on top of her pressing their chests against one another.

Rey leans up and catches his mouth in a kiss before her head falls back down and she sighs.

Ben’s still breathing hard above her and he turns his head towards the wall.

“I guess the cabinet can stay there. But you know,” he says as he looks down at her, “soon all of these things will be conversation pieces.”

Rey raises a questioning brow.

“I mean, pretty soon I’m going to fuck you on every surface that has legs. In that case, Rose would probably give us some stuff for free— _Ow.”_


End file.
